SHE SAID: Hair

February 25, 2010

In Vermont we’re exposed pretty regularly to alternative lifestyles and alternative life choices and have friends that are varying degrees of hippy, dippy, and hippy dippy.  Up here many eat local foods, compost, wash out and reuse ziplock  bags and I even know one woman using vegetable consumption as birth control.  Which is not to say this is the alternative capital of our great nation, but when living here, you get exposed to certain things one might not see in other areas.  And for the most part, I’m unfazed and even appreciative of the different strokes.

But for some reason, today when I went to yoga and the woman next to me unleashed her flowing locks of leg hair, it got to me.  It totally grossed me out.  I couldn’t stop looking at it.  Wondering about it.  I had an hour to kill with the leg hairs oh so close and stirring in the breeze offered up by the fan, and I was supposed to be thinking about a loved one or contentment, but these are my thoughts:

Why?  Why do I find it so gross?  And why would someone grow it out?

Sure, I’m used to the tanned, shaved legs we see in Nair ads, Victoria’s Secret ads, etc.  And yes, I discovered today that I consider that sexy as opposed to the alternative.  But it goes beyond what I’m exposed to from a marketing standpoint.  I like the feeling, I like the sensation.  Sleek is sexy, but I understand that’s a personal choice.

Men’s leg hair isn’t as shocking or considered offensive because we’re used to it, sure, but also because it’s thicker, grows closer together and darker, and therefore seems more native on the leg.  Women’s hair is spaced out, lighter in color even when dark, and when grown out looks like Yellowstone when recovering from the devastating fire that crippled it’s tree life.  It’s just sad looking.  And when it’s sparse and sickly looking like it is on a woman’s legs when long, you can see all the kinks, which adds to the depressing nature of long leg hair.

Also, leg hair hurts in the winter.  If you ski, it gets caught in your ski boots and pulled out as a result.  Hair by hair.  Then, not only are you looking like your legs are balding, but the growth pattern is all helter skelter.  Long hair also gets caught in jeans.  Something about the fabric.  It is not pleasant.  Sure, you’re making a point about your feminism, or maybe you’re just lazy, or maybe you’re shower is tiny and therefore shaving is difficult since you either have to be flexible enough to raise your leg above your head or wily enough to wedge yourself down to keep both feet on the ground, but long leg hair is still uncomfortable.  I’ve flirted with it out of laziness and single-ness, I know.

Since this is an active choice being made, let’s set some ground rules.  Let’s agree to constrain it somehow.  If you’re going to grow out your armpit hair, let’s instill a braiding rule, like horse manes.  Tame the beast.  If you’re going to leave the bush wild, wear shorts.  I don’t want to see anyone, male or female, in a bikini bottom with stray friends hanging out.  And most importantly, if you’re going to grow out your leg hair and be throwing your legs around in a yoga class, wear pants.


HE SAID: Hair

February 25, 2010

I think you are heading down a dangerous path here, Nifer.  You qualify your position by saying stuff like, “I understand it’s a personal choice,” but to me and other readers it sounds like, “if you are hairy you aren’t sexy.”  That’s the problem with our country today Nifer! G-ddamned you for adding to it…”you need to be skinny, you need to shave…” Same old bullshit everyday, no wonder our nation’s youth needs a book called, “Prozac Nation.”

No, I’m only kidding.  Nifer didn’t come across like that at all, I just wanted to scare my co-writer for a brief moment into thinking she might have sounded like a hair-nazi.  All in all, I agree with most of what you said…at the end of the day too much hair is gross, whether on a male or female.  The difference being “too much hair” is relative for each sex.

In the USA at least, leg hair on a man is considered normal; on a woman not so much.  On a man, a little bit of back hair is passable, too much is gross.  On a woman, a little bit of back hair is gross, and too much can be vomit inducing (and don’t get me started on what Nifer referred to as “stray friends in a bikini bottom;” even typing that made me puke in my mouth a little).  On a woman, some light lip hair can actually be quite humurous and lead to simple,  yet effective, jokes like, “someone get that bitch a razor for Christmas!”  On a man, however, lip hair is commonly known as a ‘moustache,’ and is typically associated with sexual offenders.

Armpit hair on a woman, can be the worst though.  Yes, even worse than an untamed forest down below.  At the end of the day, there are many women in this country who don’t tame that beast, but it is far less common to have hairy pits.  I know a guy who had a great first date, and the woman ended up on his couch in a furious makeout session.  Well, her shirt came off and BAM! armpit hair.  They never saw each other again.

Oh, and finally…what the hell are you talking about with the whole “leg hair getting caught in ski boots.”  It has never happened to me, nor have any males I know complained about it.  Is women’s leg hair weaker than ours? Is leg hair just another symbol of our male dominated society? Shit, I better stop there.


HE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

February 22, 2010

I was a lazy POS this weekend, and as a result am actually preparing this on Sunday afternoon, from my couch, where I have spent the bulk of my weekend.  This is in no small part due to the fact that a mountain company that will remain nameless, in Stowe Vermont, couldn’t figure out a way to open up most of their lifts this weekend.  Bitterness aside, I’ll try to throw down some entertaining links for you poor suckers that have to work.

Savage Garden classic, as done by drunk Brits.

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I’m tired of the Tiger thing, but here is Sports Guy article on”the speech.” Why didn’t Tiger end his speech with “huge, quickly, bye.”

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Anyone interested in this craigslist item? Nothing like Grandma’s sextoy.

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I watched this about 16 times last weekend, and laughed harder each time.  Not safe for work.


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

February 22, 2010

Rhymes with Bonn

During the Olympics, sponsors are not allowed to advertise using their athletes names.  Uvex had a fun way of getting around that issue with their athlete, Lindsey Vonn.  I don’t know if you’ve heard of her …

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Pro-War

The U.S. Government tried poisoning alcohol during prohibition in an effort to deter clandestine drinking.  Once alcohol was confiscated from a smuggler, the government would poison it and resell it to unsuspecting customers.  The results are an estimate of 10,000 deaths, all the responsibility of the U.S. Government.  “Although mostly forgotten today, the “chemist’s war of Prohibition” remains one of the strangest and most deadly decisions in American law-enforcement history.”  Click here for the full story.

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Blind, Gay … same difference

Newscaster gaffs never get old.

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I have a dream.

Kevin Smith, the film-maker, was kicked off a Southwest flight due to his size.  Apparently, he was supposed to purchase two seats so those around him wouldn’t be inconvenienced by his body invading their seat.  While tweeting angrily about it, one of his followers dubbed him the “MLK of fatties” which was a mentioned in the NYT Schott’s column about miscellaneous modern words and phrases.  Wouldn’t Smith be the Rosa Parks of fatties?


HE SAID: Winter Olympics

February 18, 2010

I really enjoy the Winter Olympics.  I’ll throw that out there right from the get-go.  I am really getting into them this year (in no small part because I have very little else to do).  I watched the Men’s Cross-Country sprint yesterday…holy shit those guys go balls out.  And especially this event comes during a total crappy time for sports – post superbowl, prebaseball, middle of an already boring basketball and hockey season, and just before March Madness.  It’s almost perfect…almost.  Allow me a few short paragraphs to highlight some of my dislikes.

#1 – Men’s Figure Skating – No, not the figure skating itself.  What they can do on a pair of skates is nothing short of amazing.  I actually have a hard time getting into it because I am not able to fathom what they are doing.  But that’s  not the main issue I have with Men’s Figure Skating.  In many winter olympics sports in addition to figure skating (speed skating, alpine/nordic skiing to name a few), they are forced to wear tight-fitting outfits in order to better compete.  But only in Men’s Figure Skating do they look overtly homosexual.  I’m not gay bashing, I don’t hate the outfits…I simply don’t get it.

#2 – Shaun White’s hair – He won gold last night, and it wasn’t even close.  He is one of those athlets that when he does something people think “that will never be done again” along the lines of Tony Hawk, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Tonya Harding.  But I’ve had enough of his flaming locks.  We’ll probably read his biography in 20 years and learn they were extensions anyway, Agassi style, so just save us and cut them off now.

#3 – NBC coverage.  Fuck you NBC, I hate the way you cover sports with all your tape delayed bullshit, and I hate Bob Costas.

#3a – Facebook Groups shitting on NBC for lack of ski coverage – Guess what assholes? You guys created that group not realizing that alpine events were delayed and delayed because of the weather.  Though I do ultimately appreciate anyone ripping on NBC.

#4 – Canadian coverage – Being in Vermont, I am the lucky recepient of a broadcast station from Canada…so far I have used it as a form of ambien.  Are all Canadians this boring? Or only the people they choose to host their olympic coverage.  I know I’m used to US sensationalism, which annoys me as well, I’m looking for something in between.

#5 – Curling – I refuse to believe this is a sport.  Anything that relates most closely to shuffleboard (a GAME played by either old people or drunken frat boys on a spring break cruise) should not be considered for International Olympic Competition.  Although watching teammates yell at each other is somewhat entertaining; and makes me think all Olympic sports should allow trash talking…imagine some of the possibilities when an American went up against a Frenchman…


SHE SAID: Winter Olympics

February 18, 2010

I love the Winter Olympics as well.  I love the idea, the excitement, the whole environment and attitude of the games.  I love how into it those around me are, how psyched friends are to get together and watch and how, in that sense, even more so than I would think, it brings people together.

That being said, I’m totally soured on it.  And the credit for that is going to go to NBC.  Because, while I’m okay with watching a decent amount of curling* and speed skating and figure skating, I also know there are a lot more sports that are being represented at the Olympics but not by NBC, and I know there are many more athletes than just those who win a medal or have a spectacular crash.

In Olympics past I used to complain that we, as Americans, should be able to see the American competitors.  Many people I know have a relative, a friend, someone they grew up with, some connection, however distant, to someone competing in the games.  I used to feel that seeing the Americans competing in the games should be mandatory.  But now, given the advances in technology in the past decade, I want more.  I want to have the option to see most, if not all, of the events.

I understand that there is only so much NBC can air.  I understand normal programming in addition to a ridiculous amount of events happening in Vancouver, means a lot is going to be left out.  NBC thinks two older women who look like they see the inside of a tanning bed more than a naked man discussing what men are really looking for in a relationship is important, more important than an Olympic event.  I don’t agree, but I’ll accept it.  I get pissed, however, when I don’t have the option to find these events elsewhere.

Here are some ideas:

Pay-Per-View.  Charge us.  Charge us and let us have the choice to watch the extended coverage of … anything we want.  NBC, you’ll make money.

The internet.  There is this new fangled thing called the world wide web.  Al Gore invented it.  People have access to loads of things: television shows they missed, medical resources, blogs, lesbian spank inferno porn, two and three letter word references for scrabble … it’s pretty amazing what is out there.  Use this internet to broadcast what you don’t have the space to show on television.  Throw some ads up there and bingo!  You’ve got revenue and maybe a few less member of the NBC hate groups on Facebook (Jeremy, I’m surprised you’re not a member of an anti-NBC group on Facebook, it seems right up your alley because you could litter the wall with moanings and complaints and maybe heckle them about airing some 90210).  Most other countries, I say most because I’m talking about most of the other big countries, have this option.  Any day, any hour, you can access sites showing live events going on in Vancouver.  For some reason, we do not.

My niece sat down yesterday and watched a movie that is in theaters on her computer for free.  She is able to find that, but I cannot find a feed of the live downhill?  I have to wait until 8pm and watch the eight racers NBC choose to highlight (two of whom had huge crashes, so six of the finishers) and try and enjoy it while I already know the results since any website I go to is thrilled about celebrating Lindsey’s gold!?  NBC, you’re hurting yourself here in waiting to air the event because in today’s day and age, we already know the results.  It’s not 1985 anymore.  You are not the only source for this information.

And let’s continue on the coverage.  Due to the amount of coverage they are getting, to quote my brother, you’d think Chris Collinsworth and Bob Costas were the Olympians.  The amount of talking those two are doing whether or not they know a lot, a little or often times anything about the subject matter at hand is astounding.  Viewers are not tuning in for their take on anything.  Please, stop subjecting us to them.  When it’s impeding me viewing an event, I’m not appreciative. I even get angry and join anti-NBC Facebook groups.  Next thing you know, I’m going to write a letter.

As for the outfits the figure skaters are wearing, they’ve always been pretty horrendous.  Maybe this year’s skaters are simply honoring the past decades of their sport by continuing to wear ugly stuff.  The Spyder designed GS suits are pretty terrible.  Perhaps Bode, Lindsey and Julia should borrow some of those sexalicious black numbers and show up to the starting gate in one.

*NBC aired curling almost all afternoon on the 17th.  Is there some statistic I am not aware of?  Is curling one of the most popularly viewed sports in America?  Second to auto racing?  There were three or four hours of it.  Detailed coverage.  We saw every competitor.  Who is watching this on the edge of their seat?  Why is NBC dedicating this much time to it?  I need to be clued in.


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

February 16, 2010

STOWE DERBY


For those of you anywhere near the Stowe, Vermont area, the Stowe Derby is being held for the 65th time on February 28th. Participants can race in teams of four or individually and it can be taken seriously or all part of a fun morning that will keep you laughing for some time. Racers, and I use that term loosely, must choose one set of skis for the race, cross country or alpine, start at the top of Mount Mansfield and race into town. The first section of the race, since most opt for cross country skis, is pretty hysterical as participants clamor down the Toll Road trail looking all sorts of awkward. The second part winds through the village of Stowe (where the cross country skis come into play) and ends behind the local church.

For more information, click here. And for registration, click here.

Last year, Colin Reuter raced it and strapped a camera onto his boot. Keep in mind while viewing and laughing that these are some of the top racers behind him.  Imagine what the back of the pack looks like!  I’m trying to convince Jeremy to do it, video it, and throw it up here for fun.  He said he’ll think about it.

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DARTH VADER-less

Ever wonder what Darth Vader sounded like before James Earl Jones got a hold of him? I was unaware that Darth Vader’s voice was done by JEJ until I saw this clip, but it’s pretty entertaining to hear Darth with a high voice and British accent.

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United Breaks Guitars

Jeremy and I have posted on our woes while traveling.  This guys actually did something about it!

This musician spent over 9 months trying to get United to pay for damages caused by baggage handlers to his custom Taylor guitar ($3500) during his flight.  During his final exchange with the United Customer Relations Manager, he stated that he was left with no choice other than to create a music video for you tube exposing their lack of cooperation.
The Manager responded : “Good luck with that one, pal”.
So he posted a retaliatory video on you tube.  The video has since received over 5.5 million hits.  United Airlines contacted the musician and attempted settlement in exchange for pulling the video.
Naturally his response was: “Good luck with that one, pal”.

Thanks to my friend Kate for sending on the link.

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WOW

Moth trails at night.  Caught for your viewing pleasure.  It’s pretty pretty.


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