I excel at many different aspects of my life. But for everything I excel at, there is something I suck at as well. The thing I suck at the most, is probably grocery shopping. I go about once a week, and pick up more or less the same type stuff every time: some salad fixings, bread, a rotisserie chicken, cheese, a few apples and bananas, some soup, maybe a frozen pizza, and some form of a snack (this week it was mint milano cookies, last week it was chewy chips ahoy). Ok ok, none of you giving a flying eff, but the point is, the things I need is not exactly extensive, and yet somehow I manage to screw it up each and every time. I mean, I even screwed it up writing this blog, I usually pick up some thin spaghetti and pasta sauce as well.
People tell me that I should make a list. Clearly, as exemplified by my stupidity above, that would do me absolutely no good. If I make a list, there is no way I’m deviating from it once I get to the grocery store, I simply don’t have that mental capacity when it comes to food. Get me on a tennis court, and I can go from plan A to plan B to plan C, get me in your local Shaw’s Supermarket and I’m like an eight year old that wanders into the middle of a movie, I have no frame of reference. At least if I go into the market without a list, I have a fighting chance of somehow ending up with everything I need in my cart.
Ok, now that I’ve got most of the food I need, I’m ready to head to the checkout lines. This is always a complete shitshow. I usually have just enough food where using the self-check just is too much of a pain in the ass. Besides, most people that use them seem to turn into Ritards once they have to scan their own items. There should be a general IQ test that screens people before they use the self-checkout (a bit hypocritical, I realize, given I can’t even properly shop, but at least my issues aren’t holding anyone else up).
With the regular lines, the issue seems to be a lack of baggers. Maybe it’s due to the economy, but I feel like up until about two years ago everytime I bought groceries, a bagger would bag them. Now it’s more like a 50/50 shot. Bottom line is I, like most people, can bag my own groceries. The difference is, I am not nearly as experienced and thus much less effecient at it. So are most other people, and as a result, the lines get clogged and my fudgesicles start to melt. Oh yeah, I probably forgot to mention I get fudgesicles too. Eff it, to anyone reading I’ll pay you to be my personal grocery shopper.
As of 2012, meat and poultry will be getting more detailed nutrition information. Sounds great, right? Not so fast. They are only including caloric and fat information, nothing about where the meat comes from, what kind of conditions the animal was born/raised/butchered in or what the animal ingested. We still have such a long way to go and I still have to go out of my way to find meat that I’m not afraid to eat.
Posted by hesaidandshesaid 
