April 29, 2009

I have long had a love affair with denim.  Jeans, to be more specific.  In the winter, I wear them every day, which is saying a lot since I live where winter lasts about 8 months.  There is nothing sexier to me than a guy in jeans and a T-shirt if he can pull it off, and I love wearing the same.

When I first went to boarding school, my friend Gusty introduced me to the idea that jeans could have different fits.  We were skiers and had legs on the bigger side – the relaxed fit from the Gap was the jean of choice, thankfully peg rolling was out at this point.

Chip and Pepper, Sevens, Citizens, William Rast, Joe’s Jeans, Earnest Sewn,  Rich and Skinny, J Brand, Paige, Current/Elliot, True Religion … these are works of art to me.  Some of them can even create the illusion that I actually have an ass.  I have been with friends who are ecstatic when they try on a pair of jeans that enhances their body.  It’s a superficial thing, I’ll be the first to admit, but it’s so great to feel like you’re looking good.

The first time I tried on a pair of True Religions, I was in New York with my sister.  I had never felt so hot in anything in my life.  It felt awesome – those jeans were sold.  My sister watched me checking myself out for a few minutes, then pulled the sales associate aside and asked for the “real” mirrors.  There was a small standoff and a few minutes later we were standing in the back office of the store with an accurate mirror.  I still loved the jeans, although they definitely didn’t look nearly as slimming.

The downside?  A pair of Levis or Gap jeans sell for $40 – $60 and  I feel like it’s a steal if I find one of the designer pair for under $200.

Because of this, I operate under the theory of a dear friend’s mom: Price Per Wearing.  If I buy a pair of $200 jeans and I wear them twice, we’re already down to $100 per wearing.  Now just figure if I wear them for 200 days (completely possible given my penchant for denim).  Those jeans only cost $1 every time I wear them.

The theory is a stretch, but I embrace it because it makes me feel less insane.

HE SAID: Denim

April 29, 2009

Honestly I have no issue with your post whatsoever.  True, I give you (and indirectly all females who spend this absurd amount of money on jeans) plenty of shit, but it’s in a lighthearted manner.  The reason is pretty straighforward, I’d rather stare at this than this.

 I guess my issue with expensive jeans lies with the Male Population.  I personally don’t spend more than about $50 on a pair of jeans, and to be honest, I almost bought a pair of $100 jeans once (in a Lucky Brand outlet), which would have allowed me to sleep at night as well.  Once I start looking at jeans anywhere North of that, I begin to seize and start to feel like A-Rod (the very definition of a metrosexual).

The ironic thing is, if there was any guy who would benefit from Designer Jeans it would be me, as I am very similar to a Conehead, lacking an ass of any kind.  I just can’t bring myself to even try on a pair of jeans that will give me more of an ass.  Besides, if a girl can’t appreciate me for who I am on the inside than I don’t want anything to do with her anyway (I’ve been telling myself that since the 7th grade, and I almost believe it)!

I guess the only thing I disagree with Nifer on is this horsecrap rationalization theory of Price per wearing.  Shut the fuck up and just admit that you spent an obscene amount of money on denim.  When I purchase a BlueRay player sometime in the not so distant future for $400, do you think I’m going to tell myself every time I watch a movie – $200/viewing. $133.33 repeating /viewing, $100/viewing,” and so forth? No, I’ll rationalize it because I love watching movies, so I might as well watch them the best way possible.  And all you females out there who spend $200 on jeans need not use Price per wearing as your reasoning, just admit to yourself that you are vain and you want to look as hot as possible, all the time.  Again, I’m a guy, I appreciate that about you…I’d rather stare at this than that.

HE SAID: Marry/Fuck/Toss Round 2

April 27, 2009

Jeremy’s three options are Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears (this vintage) .  If you’re looking for instructions on how to play the game, read here or here.

courtney_amy_britneyThis is easy, I didn’t even have to think.  Britney is the obvious marriage choice, for one simple reason – upside.  She is kind of like a NFL Draft prospect who slips because of some off the field problems.  Some pan out, some don’t.  In this situation Britney started out in ’98 as a possible No.1 Franchise type player pick, and then slipped out of the first round, but at least you have a chance of getting first round talent.  Winehouse and Love would MAYBE get picked in the last round, more than likely however, they would go undrafted.

This next choice is even easier – Amy Winehouse would get fucked by me.  Why Amy Winehouse, who is potentially the world’s most heinous star?  Because Courtney Love deserves to get fucking tossed of a fucking cliff, that’s why.  My reasoning is very simple – on April 5th, 1994 she murdered her husband Kurt Cobain and made it look like a suicide.  As Samuel L. said in A Time to Kill, “Yes she deserves to die and I hope she burns in hell!”  Simply put, if I had the chance to avenge Kurt’s death, I would…even if it meant throwing up in my mouth while I plowed Amy Winehouse.

SHE SAID: Marry/Fuck/Toss Round 2

April 27, 2009

As everyone knows I really enjoy 80’s movies. One of the all-time classics is Top Gun (despite that many now feel as though it’s really about Gay Love – not that there is anything wrong with that), and so I have decided to force Nifer to choose between the three main characters – Maverick, Goose (assuming the alive Goose, not the Goose who dies in a scene that still makes me weep), and Iceman.

Note: Nifer is choosing the movie characters, not the actors that portray them.


Goose is the obvious “marry” choice. Not as attractive as the others, partly due to the child molester stache he’s sporting, he’s clearly the most genuine of the three and can put up with a lot, given that he put up with Maverick’s BS easily. While the other two are trying to out dude each other the entire movie, he’s the sweetheart.

Now onto the others. I’m thrilled that you’re giving me Ice Man and not Val Kilmer who went from Ice Man and Doc Holiday in Tombstone (one of my all time favorite roles), to this. Thank you for not making me throw up in my mouth by having to envision that scenario. I’ve always preferred Ice Man to Maverick who is too unpredictable. It could be a fantastic night with silhouettes and “Take My Breath Away”, or five seconds of fumbling before he asks to bum a cigarette. As for Ice Man, he had me at his jaw snap during the topless confrontation in the bathroom.

Maverick is getting tossed for the kill beneath the hard deck.

HE SAID: BH 90210

April 26, 2009

It’s Sunday morning, I’ve already seen SportsCenter about 11 times since last night, which would generally leave most men with nothing to watch.  However, I am not most men.  I am lucky enough as part of my Comcast Cable package to get the SOAP Network, meaning that I can watch repeats of Beverly Hills, 90210 for four hours this morning.

I’m not going to defend Beverly Hills, 90210 as a whole.  The last few years of the show were total garbage, and the college years were bearable (but mostly because Kelly Kapowski went from this to this).  The first few seasons though, are a testament to what evening drama was meant to be.  The high school years, or “Golden Years” as I like to call them, feature an incredibly diverse set of characters, absorbing plot lines, and sweet acid washed jeans.

In all seriousness though, the show definitely attempted to tackle some important issues in the first three seasons – teen pregnancy, drinking, peer pressure & racism to name a few.  Not only did Aaron Spelling and company attempt to tackle these issues, they even succeeded on many occasions.  Right now I’m being treated to Brandon feeling like a jackass in the 4th ever episode because he assumed a black kid that was going to make the varsity basketball team ahead of him was recruited to be at West Bev…well, Brandon was wrong, and he learned his lesson, and so did the audience.

The show also created the coolest television character of all time – Dylan McKay.  He is the fucking man.  Girls wanted him, he had a sweet Porsche, often skipped school to surf, smart enough to get into Berkley (but of course opted for Cal U with the rest of the gang), and said epically cool things in a loud whisper like, “I’m gonna take a drive up the coast,” or, “I’m headed to Baja, clear my head.”  This was in direct contradiction to Andrea Zuckerman, who is the biggest loser in television history.

Seriously, watch an early episode and then compare it with latter day ripoffs like Dawnsons Creek.  In 90210 absurd things happened, but the characters seemed somewhat real.  In contrast, Dawsons had more subdued/realistic plot lines, but the characters talked like they were in a fucking Shakespearean play.  This is a quote from Dawson, “Edge is fleeting, heart lasts forever.” Shut the fuck up Dawson.  Leave the quotables to the pros, the people like Steve Sanders, David Silver, Kelly Taylor & so forth, who coined the phrase, “Donna Martin graduates!”

SHE SAID: BH 90210

April 26, 2009

It’s Sunday morning, I’m folding laundry and switching over my winter/summer clothing.  One of the rare blog posts where Jeremy and I are defining our male/female roles.  Also, demonstrating just how exciting our lives are.  I should tweet and inform my followers what I’m up to just to keep them on the edge of their seats.

I’m going to call bullshit on the fact that you’re watching 90210 because you’ve watched Sportscenter 10 times.  You’re watching because you love the show.  You have 90210 T-Shirts.  You quote it regularly, and I’m fairly certain you had a 90210 quote on your Facebook page at one point in time.  You both watch and adore 90210 regardless of the amount of times you’ve watched Sportscenter.  Was your love always this pure?  Or was it influenced by the love of the girls you went to high school with?  Maybe gave you something to talk about with them?

90210.  Responsible for the first time I sat on the couch with my parents while an onscreen couple kissed and I felt incredibly awkward and embarrassed.

I agree that 90210 was better in the early years, hands down better than some of the teen shows that followed, and a lot better than those that had come before, Saved by the Bell (which also featured Tiffany in some terrible outfits and a haircut that made her head look huge and wide – threw that in just to make sure hell has a reserved seat for me).

I think the best high school show was Freaks and Geeks (for a teaser of the first episode, click here).  While tough to compare, since Freaks and Geeks only ran for one year and took place in 1980, the shows characters were easier to relate to, and the show was less of a daytime soap. The characters were able to tackle a lot of high school issues, most importantly the constant struggle to find yourself and define yourself outside of your home, with an endearing and sometimes heart wrenching humor.  The fact that no one is embarrassed to have enjoyed this show adds to it’s credence.

90210 was entertaining, but over the top from the beginning.  The two main characters moved from Minneapolis to Beverly Hills and were thrown in with the money and glamor of Beverly Hills.  The draw of that idealized California lifestyle still lives – The O.C. (which casted Ryan Atwood as an outsider with a rap sheet, to boot), The Hills, the 90210 remake, Laguna Beach and I’m sure there are some I’m forgetting.  Clearly something was tapped into here – sunny  California, money to spend, combined with heightened drama sells.

I’m glad it’s providing entertainment, years after it’s cancellation, for Jeremy on a Sunday morning, but I get nervous when you start talking about the lessons you’re learning while viewing.  I really hope that no teenagers are watching any of these shows to help point their moral compass.  Instead, I hope it’s for, to quote a dear friend, “enterfuckingtainment”.  I don’t want my children taking a lesson from Aaron Spelling’s ideas on how to best dramatize teen pregnancy, roofies, or rape.  I think we, as a culture, step into dangerous territory when we’re talking about the “issues” these shows are tackling and the lessons we are learning as an audience.  Their ultimate goal is not to provide a lesson, but to generate viewers and often times, sell the merchandise associated with the show.