I’m 27 years old now, and think I have matured a great deal over the past five or so years since I graduated college. I have a full time job, pay a mortgage, have friends with babies, and use Google Talk instead of AIM. It’s this last bit I’d like to focus on. I’ll fully admit to it, I fucking miss American Online Instant Messenger. I still sign on every once in awhile with my sweet username that has an 80’s movie reference, but now all I use it for is to chat with a couple friends who haven’t graduated to gchat (or girls from match.com that don’t want to give me their real email, an entirely different subject).
Editor’s Note: The following really only applies if you are in boarding school, or college. Or if you are a shady creep. I miss college.
You might be asking yourself, “isn’t that the point of AIM- to chat with friends?” Well the short answer is “no, not at all.” AIM has two main functions, the first of which is to announce to your buddy list your all important status for any given time. This function further breaks down into two different categories – statuses I give a shit about and statuses I don’t give a shit about. This relates directly to the second function, I promise. Now, tell me if you can see the difference between a status I don’t give a shit about – “Dear Friday, I love you” and a status I do give a shit about – “sleep, gym, work at the library, happy friday ;)” See the difference? The second one gets the point about Friday being a great day, but at the same time gives me a solid itinerary of her day thus allowing me to drop by the gym, or maybe the library and say hello.
Therein lies the second function of AIM – stalking. No explanation is really needed here. All guys did it in college, and I’m sure are still doing it. You wake up hungover on a Friday, decide to skip class, and you check every single female’s status, and then you plan your day. And remember Nifer (and all other females creeped out) we wouldn’t have been able to do it without your help!