Jeremy, congratulations on coming out of the Internet Dating closet. I hope coming out to your parents and friends went well and that no one stigmatized you.
Finding love is hard. Finding someone you want to spend more time with is hard. And once you’ve found love, it doesn’t get any easier. The initial excitement wears off, you see the person kneeling down to cut their toenails while naked in the bathroom, and they’re farting in front of you, hopefully not while kneeling down naked to cut their toenails, but … it happens. It’s the stuff you learn about someone after the initial thrill that makes you love them. It’s that stuff that makes them different, adorable, and most importantly, meaningful.
I don’t know about the rest of you ladies out there, but let’s say I’m in a bar and someone catches my eye … I study the shit out of them visually before I even let them know I’m looking. A username and a few pictures of them posing on a boat or a mountain … weird. The the whole “what I’m looking for” section … weird. There’s something endearing and sexy about seeing someone and trying to find out how to make a conversation happen. I don’t want the best that someone could possibly be, filled out while aware that someone is judging the answers. I don’t want thought out answers to generic questions. It’s so fourth grade – find out if he likes me before you tell him I like him. And winking? What is that? Insecurity via internet? Are we there already?
These sites are like a card catalogue at a library. Yes, you find all the people that are within your parameters, but you miss out on the oddball that you never would have described while filling out your dating request that ends up knocking your socks off. And there is something sad about that. Are we so rushed and looking for immediate gratification that we can’t just go out, throw caution to the wind and see if we hit it off with someone?
In the introduction to “Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie”, Dylan says, “And they asked me to write something about Woody. Like what does Woody mean to you in 25 words. And I couldn’t do it, I wrote out 5 pages…” We can’t encapsulate who we are on paper in 25 or 500 words. And, aside from college applications, should we feel the need? Can our personalities be contained by mere language? In these bios, we’re presenting not only the best of us, but even more misleading, what we want to be. It’s understandable. When presented with the option, how can you not?
Guys, you’re missing out on studying a woman as she tucks a stray hair behind her ear. And we are missing out on your swaggers. Interaction. Banter. Sly smiles, stolen glances.
I can guarantee that no one would date me if they were to read my bio. So, thankfully, I haven’t had to rely on them. I might have to someday, in which case, I’ll need help with the answers. Personality traits? Determined, not stubborn. Discriminating, not meticulous. What’s in a word? Apparently everything.