Another round of Marry/Fuck/Toss to brighten up a Friday morning.
Jeremy’s three picks to marry, fuck, or toss off a cliff are: Salma Heyek, Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie. And no, you can’t have sex with one before tossing her, Jeremy. If you are looking for rules and round 1, click here. For round 2, click here.
Well, I’ll tell you what I’d like to do…after David Ortiz left 12 men on base by himself in an extra innings loss, the Celtics blew a late lead forcing themselves into another Game 7, and the Bruins lost a game 7 in sudden death overtime (on a goal scored by someone who probably should’ve been suspended no less), I’d like to toss myself off a cliff, getting hit in the balls by every jutting rock and tree branch on the way down, because that would feel better than the way I feel right now.
But that is not an option, so instead I will force myself to choose amongst the three you have selected for me. This is actually the easiest one you have presented me thus far, I’ll save the suspense: Jolie is getting cliffed, Berry is getting fucked, and I’ll marry Hayek.
The reasoning is quite simple – Salma Hayek was the first actress I saw explicitly nude on the big screen, in the movie “Desperado,” and I feel like I owe her for that. I’d cook her breakfast in bed, get her anything she wants, so long as her breasts were uncovered for at least 75% of our marriage.
I’d like the chance to spend an evening with Halle Berry, while having sex, but mostly I really want to discuss becoming her manager. Whoever she currently has managed to turn an Oscar winning performance into Gothika and Catwoman, I figure I can pitch her the idea of managing her career, make a shit ton of money and get off at the same time!
Lastly, there is Jolie. While I find her seductive and she would probably rock my world, she also probably rocked her brother’s world, and that’s just a bit too creepy for me. And let’s not forget what she did to Jennifer Aniston. I can picture it now, tossing Angelina off the cliff screaming “You ruined Rachel’s life you fucking bitch!”