HE SAID: Rock Band

First off, let me get this straight – you had two broken wrists but decided the only thing you could do was consume your time with an activity that requires movement from only your wrists, hands and fingers?  I’m not calling bullshit or anything, but as someone who played plenty of video games growing up, I know first hand (shitty pun) that it takes all these parts in good working order to really delve into a game as complex as Super Mario Bros.

Anyway, that’s besides the point.  Rock Band is the point.  And Rock Band is fucking lame.  I played all sorts of video games growing up, through college, and even my first year out of college.  Sound somewhat lame? Of course, but just take into account that I spent my first post grad year in the depths of hell, AKA – working for a Minor League Baseball Team in Mobile, Alabama.  The  games I probably played the most are Super Marios Bros. when I was young, any form of John Madden Football or Mortal Kombat through my teens and college, and any form of Grand Theft Auto the end of college and after.

The beauty of these games was that they were all completely fiction.  Last I checked saving Princess Toadstool in Mushroom Kingdom, freezing someone then ripping their head and spine off, or gang banging on the streets of Padanaram were never really an option for me.  Football, a little more realistic, but three on three in someone’s backyard is not quite the same as using Barry Sanders to run for 1,000 yards in a single game.

I guess I got lost a little there in some childhood memories, but back to my point about Rock Band being fucking lame.  Instead of hitting a bunch of fake plastic buttons or durms , how about you go out and buy a starter drum set or a cheap guitar and play it for real?  It’s much cooler, and far more gratifying.  The only song I can still play on guitar all the way through is ‘Glycerine’ by Bush, and the joy that brings me is immense compared to the boredome created by hitting those plastic buttons.

rockband2Last point – let’s say you are at a bar/party and you bring a girl back to your place, you are obviously going to hook up, but what are the chances you are getting laid? While it might be close, it’s probably not 100%.  Well, you increase those chances exponentially if you whip out an acoustic guitar and break into your cover of something like “The Scientist” by Coldplay.  But something tells me if you bring said girl back and offer her a rousing round of Rock Band, she will probably be reminded of douchebags she sees in Best Buy and hi-tail it out of there.

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2 Responses to HE SAID: Rock Band

  1. JP says:

    I find that chicks who can’t handle Rock Band after a drunk night out just aren’t all that in bed anyway. Let me re-phrase: Girls who are too inhibited to enjoy the Rock Band don’t give very good head.

  2. kb says:

    Eeeeasy Jeremy, have you been playing too much mortal combat? fyi I never met another girl who ever played a video game besides super mario bros (inc. duck hunt), mario cart, sonic, or zelda. hopefully this isn’t sexist, particularly because I’m a girl, but I think the fact that clearly she can school you at rock band is a big leap in video/virtual endeavors for our gender.

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