SHE SAID: Marry/Fuck/Toss

It’s been a little while and it’s the weekend, so why not.  There was nothing on TV last night and I was reminiscing over the days when Baywatch was on all the time, so I figured I’d give you three staples.  First, we’ve got David Charvet, who carried the show through the middle years as Matt Brody.  Next there is the burly Jaason (yes, two ‘A’s’) Simmons who played the Australian Logan Fowler, who stomped all over Caroline Holden’s (Yasmine Bleeth) heart.  And finally, last but certainly not least is German favorite David Hasselhoff, who played the one and only Mitch Buchannon.  Actually, let’s be fair about the pic, here is a better one.

marry-fuck-toss-davids-and-jason

Ahhhhh.  Still waiting for the good one of these where the options don ‘t make my stomach turn.

I didn’t realize Fabio went by a pseudonym when he was on Baywatch.  Maybe the casting agent was laughing at him (not with him) while submitting Jaason’s information and hit the extra “a” by accident.  Or perhaps he’s so boring, it was the quickest way to make him interesting?  I mean, seriously, I know with my name I can’t really rip on anyone’s, but a gratuitous “a”?!

So for that alone, he’s getting tossed.  Although, this means I have to either sleep with or marry David Hasselhoff which is not ideal, but in this situation, clearly necessary.  Jaason can really draw out that “a” while screaming his name until he hits the ground.  Or water.  Or rocks.

I’m going to fuck David C. and marry the Hoff because odds are he won’t remember it whenever he sobers up and he won’t be able to sleep with me if I get him drunk enough.  In the meantime, I can try to get him to eat hamburgers while drunk and upload the videos onto YouTube.  Give his daughters a run for their money.

And then, when he does sober up, we can discuss what a terrible mistake we made and get it annulled before he gets a chance to go online and check my recent uploads on YouTube.

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