HE SAID: Airports

Of the several thousand readers we have each time we post, one of you must work at an airport.  I have some simple questions that I would like answered by you, or maybe Nifer can provide some insight.

1. If I am flying direct, let’s say Philadelphia to Burlington, and I check two bags (at the same time, together), how is it possible that one ends up in Burlington but one gets left behind in Philly?

2. Why did I land in Burlington once, after a 16 hour travel day, to find out with my fellow passengers that our bags had been routed to Pittsburgh, and Pittsburgh bags were in Burlington.  Now, I can understand if the call letters were similar, something like BTV & PTB, but I looked it up – they are BTV and PIT.  Extremely different.

3. Why do you bother seating me in a tight space, probably next to someone overweight and smelling like my ass after a big poo and tennis match, when you know we aren’t going to be able to back up from the gate due to “FAA Regulations” for 45 minutes.  Not to mention put us 50th in line for take off.  Meaning my total time spent on the plane will be triple what it should be.

4. If I pay you $50 for two checked bags, shouldn’t I be guaranteed some overhead space?  Instead, the two jackasses next to me jam their bags that should be fucking checked since they are FULL FLEDGED suitcases into the overhead compartment, leaving me to put my backpack underneath the seat in front of me with minimal leg room.

5. It’s so cliche to complain about airline food, but why do I have to crap my pants within three hours of eating it?  Is it something you put in the food?

6. There may be a simple answer to this, and it’s not even a big deal, I’m just curious – why can I use my cell phone after I land while we are taxi-ing to the gate, but I am forced to shut it off as soon as we leave the gate while departing?

7. I flew back from London a few years ago, my entertainment system didn’t work, and it was a full flight.  I received a $20 voucher next time I flew British Airways.  Are you serious? I can’t even begin to describe my level of frustration at this. I handed the voucher back to the agent and said, “I doubt I’ll be using your services anytime soon.”

8. I lied about the end of #7, I took it and walked away.

9. Speaking of on board entertainment systems, can you please warn which movies are suitable to watch when seated next to really old people or small children.  Because I was caught off guard when watching Monsters Ball next to a seven year old.  I had no idea Halle Barre was going to get taken down hard by Billy Bob, and I was extremely uncomfortable.

10. Why do 99% of the customer service people for every airline suck at life?  They are condescending, rude, and in most cases don’t know shit.  With the exception of one lovely AirFrance woman that helped me out recently, I can not remember walking away from a agent thinking to myself, “wow, what a positive experience I just had there.”  Hey CEO’s, these are the people representing you, get a fucking clue!

The airline industry isn’t going down the shitter because of the economy, it’s going down because people want to avoid it at all costs.  All of the above has happened to me, in the last 5 years, feel free to share your own gripes in the comment section.


2 Responses to HE SAID: Airports

  1. Answer to #1: Unless your two bags are lashed together they each are tagged, sorted, routed and loaded independently. So if one falls off the conveyor belt and misses the flight, there’s no reason to expect the other bag to fall off the belt too.

    Answer to #6: When preparing for take-off, time and safety is of the essence; and the flight attendants are required to go through the cabin making sure everything is secure before sitting down themselves. If you change the procedure based on the size of the runway queue, it can lead to potential hazards. After touchdown, the only risk is a sharp stop.

    Answer to everything else: The blame for the unpleasant product should be shared by you (the customer) as well as the airline. Every airline executive will tell you that the airline business has become a commodity product — and customers shop based entirely on price and schedule — and NOT on quality of service. If you (and your fellow passengers) were willing to pay A LOT more for air travel, then the product could be better. While there is a niche market for first/business class for long haul flights, short haul carriers need to load the planes like cattle cars, limit overhead and staff, and most still have a negative return on equity.

    Ironically, the most profitable air carriers are UPS and FedEx, and one Wall Street analyst seriously suggested that airlines should copy their model. (But FedEx envelopes and boxes don’t complain about the food; they don’t complain about the delays; they don’t complain about sitting on a runway for 8 hours …. etc etc).

    It’s easy to complain — but, as in most things, you get what you pay for. If you travel enough, join the American Platinum Admiral’s Club and you’ll be treated wonderfully. (End of commercial)

  2. God says:

    The guy commenting above me is so serious…..

    Have you flown Virgin America yet? Problem solved.

    Jeremy you need to watch this and re-evaluate your post: “Spoiled Idiots”

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