HE SAID: Dbags

I’ve decided to change it up a little today, and instead of picking out a specific topic, I’m just going to elaborate on a few types of dbags I’ve come across in recent days.  Actually, that is a bit unfair…because admittedly I don’t really know these people, so they might actually be somewhat cool, but they definitely exhibited dbag qualities.

1. I guess it’s one thing to be sloppily making out at a bar, whilst drunk, after midnight…but at 7:30 while people are trying to eat around you? Please, take that shit home.  It embarrasses you, and makes me feel awkward.  Also, when the bartender is trying to explain the specials to me, stop waving your glasses in his face trying to get his attention.

2. On my way home tonight, I got stuck behind a car doing 45 in a 50…but only being about 2 miles from my place I decided to just chill out and let the melodic voice of Joe Castiglione* keep me company for the last few minutes.  Next thing I know some Honda Civic comes out of nowhere and screams past both of us.  Now, passing a couple people might make you a reckless driver, but not necessarily a dbag.  However, merely driving a tricked out Civic with decals and a 12 inch spoiler, does INDEED make you a dbag.

3. I was at a bar in Burlington recently, and not only was a kid wearing sweats, he was wearing bright white cargo sweatSHORTS.  Yeah, you read that correctly, sweatfuckingshorts.  He was also about 7 feet tall and furiously made out with my 5 foot tall friend…and stepped on her foot in the process, slicing it open.  Best of all, he is underage to boot!  So, who is the bigger dbag in this scenario, the giant kid with white cargo sweatshorts, or my friend that made out with him?

* The fact that I just used the word ‘melodic’ to describe the Red Sox radio play by play guy might make me a dbag as well…that and my addiction to fantasy sports and bad movies from the 1980’s like, “Masters of the Universe.”

Anxiously awaiting Nifer’s choices…


4 Responses to HE SAID: Dbags

  1. God says:

    Your friend is a dbag for making out the the tall dude 100%.

  2. God says:

    Since God is kickin’ it in Boston I’m surrounded by the uber of all dbags.
    1) The redsox “fans”, ages 16-22, spoiled rotten, who go to sox games completely retaaaarded because they shot gunned a six pack of Narragansett beer in the paaaaarking lot in their caaaar with guys named Tommy, Steve-o, and Ricky before heading into Fenway. They all wear their alternative colored sox hat, (with the sticker still on it), any way but straight on. They proceed to walk around the park saying ingenious things like, “Yankees suck!”, “f*cking Sox’s are going all the way this year”, or my favorite “it’s fucking bullshit they stop selling beer after the 7th.”
    2) God took a trip to Newport, RI this past weekend and ran into a plethora of Jersey yankee loving dbags. One in particular I wanted to push into oncoming traffic. Time, 1pm, out to lunch with a friend at a nice outdoor pub. In walks the said dbag wearing white sneakers, jean shots, extra large white t-shirt, the reflective sunglasses, and a white f’ing bandanna! The bandanna was the kicker….it totally ruined my lunch because all I wanted to do was walk over and kick this guy in the balls. I asked around all day but no one could confirm that there was a rap video being shot on any of the sailboats, let alone one for Snow’s comeback…weird.

  3. U of R says:

    did Saupper get a civic?

  4. […] SAID: Marry/Fuck/Toss We are a classy couple, Jeremy and I.  Going from a post on douchebags, to the walk of shame, to a Marry/Fuck/Toss round.  My mom would be so proud … thankfully, I […]

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