Douchebags. I’m torn with this word choice because the word is so awesome. It rolls off the tongue like the wind off the backs of our forefathers … and yet is another word for asshole. I use the term both endearingly, and ferociously.
In Jeremy’s vein, however, I am forced to limit my descriptions to the latter.
Douchebag Number 1.
If you pull out blindly into traffic and speed up really fast, it’s somewhat tolerable. I tail closely until I’m sure the driver gets that I’m annoyed and then switch with ADD-like speed to something else that grabs my attention. However, it is completely unacceptable to pull out blindly into traffic, thereby cutting someone off, and then continue to go 20 miles per hour under the speed limit for the next 8 miles.
Douchebag Number 2.
To the trucker on the highway who creeped the crap out of me the other day by driving next to me and continuing to give me the thumbs up. Look, asshole, you do not need to do this for miles on end, and yes, I was ignoring you and no, that didn’t stop you. Did you think I was going to give you the thumbs up in return and we could pull over at the nearest rest stop or something? Is that better than the alternative, you just trying to freak me out, make me less aware of what’s going on around me due to the enforced tunnel vision to avoid your lecherous gaze? If that’s worked for you before, I’m actually kind of impressed, but clearly I wasn’t up for it, so please please stop the synchronized driving and leave me alone.
Douchebag Number 3.
Never ever take out frustration with a team rivalry on a child. Throwing a fully dressed sausage at a child because she is holding up a sweatshirt for the opposing team and cheering with all her heart while her team is getting slaughtered is just plain wrong.