HE SAID: Cell Phone Etiquette

I enjoyed reading through most of your rules, Nifer.  Luckily I have never encountered someone talking on speaker phone in public, because I’d most likely owe them $100-200 (depending on what phone they have) after slapping out of their hand Manu Ginobili style. Also, since I try my best not to take dumps in public bathrooms, I’ve yet to encounter someone talking on the phone in a stall.  But for the most part, I agree with all you put out there, I mean honestly, nothing screams douchebag like a bluetooth earpiece (although I’m ok with someone using it while driving).  I do have a few exceptions.

First, some ringback tones can actually kind of be fun to listen to.  I never thought I much of them, but one of my friends has “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” and I am almost upset when she answers.  Oh, it’s The Temptations version, not TLC.  Secondly, while I agree ringtones sound like shit compared with the real song, they are still more enjoyable to listen to then some bootleg tone nokia developed.  Also, I use one of my good friend’s bands song, so I feel like I’m helping advertise for him.  I do not agree with someone using a special ringtone for their significant other, unless it’s witty and funny, as opposed to forcing people to listen to “Right Here Waiting For You” by Richard Marx every time he/she calls.

My biggest disagreement comes with your rule for movies/class/etc.  Specifically, movies.  Turning your cell phone on vibrate is not enough.  Fuck it, even turning it on silent mode is not enough.  Turn it off*.  It amazes me that people can’t go two hours without checking their phone for messages or missed calls. You aren’t that important, whoever is trying to reach you isn’t waiting by the phone for a call or text back.  Leave it in the car, don’t be tempted.

*Of course, there are exceptions…Doctors on call, parents using a new babysitter for the first time, a drug dealer, etc.

I have one important rule to add, a slightly different take on your “face to face convo” rule.  If you are in a group setting, say…watching some football with a bunch of people, I fully embrace answering the phone if it is someone you wish to talk to.  However, leave the effing room.  While your phone call might be important to you, I assure you, it most likely isn’t to the rest of the group.  In addition, all you do is stifle conversation amongst the rest of the group, forcing us to resent you and most likely make fun of whatever it is you are saying.

Oh yeah, finally…”if you call someone and get voicemail, leave a message or don’t. Just don’t text, it’s gay” (movie quote alert).

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