SHE SAID: Underwear From My Mom

January 4, 2010

Christmas morning and my brother’s and I are sitting around opening our stockings.  I get soaps, batteries, toothbrushes.  They get soaps, batteries toothbrushes.  One year my mom went with a camping theme and got us all travel clocks, headlamps and battery powered minuscule radios.  It was always pretty practical stuff once we got past the age of 10.  But one thing that never changed through the years was my brother’s getting underwear in their stockings.

Is this odd now that they are in their thirties?  I thought so, until I asked a few friends and realized that all of their mom’s still got them underwear.  Maybe not in their stockings, but at some point over the year.  Most guys I know would wear tattered underwear and spend that six dollars on a six pack or save up for something more exciting than a new pair of boxers.  Is this because they know their moms are going to be supplying them with underwear?  Or are their moms filling the void because they know their sons won’t do so and the mothers cringe at the thought of what their sons might end up wearing were they left to their own devices?

Maybe I find it odd because, as a woman, if my mom got me some underwear, it would be the kind with enough fabric to cover a small car.  Boxers and the like are different.  The most racy pair I’ve seen were silk with hydrants on them (and are for sale for $5 if you click here).  Men’s underwear are straightforward (stripes, polka dots and solids) or cute and funny with some prints.  You don’t need to consider the multitude of different styles that women are faced with (low-rise, boy cut, thong, g-string, mid-rise, etc.), and that’s before even approaching the idea of fabric choice, color, print and so on.

Maybe because of the staggering number of choices and the inherent difference in our preferred underwear my mom stopped buying me any to open on Christmas morning.  Maybe at some point I rolled my eyes.  And most likely, my brother’s didn’t.

But I still think it’s a little weird that my mom buys my brother’s underwear.

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HE SAID: Underwear From My Mom

January 4, 2010

Simply put, it is not weird at all for Mom’s to buy boxers for their boys, no matter what the age I think.  Tighty whities and boxer briefs might be a bit strange, but even that I think I would tolerate.  Jockstraps would be absolutely out of the question past the age of 16 (or once a kid gets a license and can take care of those types things on his own).  While I buy some of my own boxers, typically when I go back to Mass for a visit, there is a fresh 3-pack of generic boxers waiting for me in my room, washed once, ironed and pressed, just as any good woman should do.  Just kidding, there is a 3 pack, but they are still in the packaging, and Mom usually leaves the receipt telling her how much I owe here (insert generic Hebrew joke here).

So no, you have no reason to cringe when your brothers break out a fresh pair of boxers from their stockings in 356 days or so (holy shit, time goes by).  Feel free to cringe, however, if you open up your stocking and find a lace thong from your Mom, that would be beyond creepy.  Even big white panties (granny panties, or fart catchers) would be downright disturbing.

You know what else is disturbing?  Going to a lovely family’s house for Christmas, feeling welcomed into their home, then watching them all open up the same pair of green and red J crew boxers, and putting them on for a family photo.  Three generations of one family, ranging from about 3-65 all wearing the same pair of underwear.  That is effing creepy.  But wait, there is more…hearing an Uncle claim that there is no way he could “fit into underwear that small,” with a sly look on his face was even creepier.

But something tells me, Nifer, you are already quite aware of such a story.  So if I were you, I’d stop worrying about a random pair of boxers, there are much bigger fish to fry.