HE SAID: Navigating and Directions

Unfortunately, I am the wrong male to be addressing this issue.  I come from a long line of planners, and as such I know where the eff I am going.  I can honestly not remember a time where I was lost to the point where I ended up super late to something.  Sure, a wrong turn here or there but I always immediately knew my mistake because I knew where my destination was in the first place.  Also, I tend to get really lucky when I do make a wrong turn…t

This fall I was on my way to a dinner party (one of the few weekend excursions that involved as much food as alcohol), which was out in the middle of nowhere and it was pitch black.  I ended up parking my car next to four others, which to me told me I was at the right house, but when I knocked on the door it was a bunch of 50 year olds.  They told me I wanted the next driveway, but to come in for a beer.  I declined, as I had just watched “Eyes Wide Shut” and was a bit fearful of a bunch of older people wanted to assault me in a sexual, group manner.

I think your point is a valid one though.  And it must come from some inner place that tells us males that we don’t need others to succeed.  On the other hand, the ritard level of your two main examples is off the f**king charts.  Though I have a story that I believe supersedes it.  I had a buddy driving from Richmond to Boston for summer break with a girl in the passenger seat.  For those that don’t know, it makes almost no sense to drive straight through DC because traffic there is about as congested as my nose on Spring morning where pollen dominates my life.  So, you take 495 (the beltway).  You can take either 495 east or west, and once north of DC you hop back on 95.  My friend, instead of waking the female up to ask what to do when he got the the 495/95 split, kept driving, on 495.  As such, he did one big circle around DC.  Time wasted = 3 hours.  Most ironic part of the story, his nickname was Goose (you know, like Maverick’s nav).

You are wrong about one thing, the navigation.  If there is one thing guys like more than not asking for directions, it’s gadgets.  I look forward to a time when I have some excess money and can buy a tomtom or garmin myself.  Guys get off on that shit.  I think they should make cooler voices though…imagine if you could load Snoop Dog, “hang a left my muthafucka, shiiit.” (I may have heard that somewhere else, but still, even if it’s not original it’s damned funny).

Oh yeah. One more thing.  We may suck at following directions, but at least we don’t suck at driving.


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