HE SAID: Golf

I am not as bad as Charles Barkley

So I joined a country club this year. The most rinky dink country club I think I’ve ever seen, but still I am a member.  Bear in mind this is a 9 hole course, the clubhouse looks closer to a squatters mecca than it does to most clubhouses, and last time I went to play (at 1 pm) there was not a soul on the course or in the clubhouse…yet a board still had to approve my membership.  Anyway, that’s besides the point, I could write a book on the many idiocracies surrounding golf (the pants, the mens lounge, the shitty golfers who think they are good, social memberships, yada yada yada), but in this post I want to focus on the game itself, and why I continue playing even though most of the time it is similar to torture.

For a frame of reference, you should know that I label myself an “accomplished hacker.”  I am past the point where I hit a ground ball every other shot, thought admittedly that does still happen. For 9 holes, I’m generally in the 45 range, and for 18 closer to 100 (I fall off the map after hole 14…when I am loaded I’m going to build a 14 hole golf course).  My score is high because I can’t hit any more than one or two really good shots each round.  Generally when I play, I’m frustrated more than I’m happy, I get blisters from walking, and I attain what many refer to as “swamp ass.” Doesn’t all this, mainly my success rate, beg the question – why the eff do I bother to play?  Or for that matter, considering I’m better than the average person I see on the course, why does anyone bother playing?

Not my future wife.

One reason I know is not true is to meet females.  I’ve been to many a courses around New England, and saying they are not ripe with single women in their 20′s would be the understatement of the century.  The only women I see at the golf course are usually there to appease husbands…I hope the man is not forcing his significant other to play by agreeing to seem some stupid movie like “Letters to Juliet” later that evening, yet I digress.

Is there anything else in life that so many people do shittily yet continue.  Think about it…I am completely satisfied with a shot only a couple of times in a 4 hour round.  Add into that the ass sweat and there really isn’t a rationale reason I should be playing.  Oh of course there is the argument, “well you are outside in the nice weather, perhaps enjoying an adult beverage or two with some friends.”  I can do the same thing at the beach (where there are lots more single females, and I don’t have to wait for four senior citizens to use the ocean like I might have to for 18 straight holes).  But I guess I’ve already answered my own question…it’s that one shot that brings me back…that one drive that I actually hit straight…or the sand shot that somehow manages to hit the pin…or the beer at the 19th hole.

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