Me after only one class!

So I’ve been getting into yoga the last month or so.  I’ve only done it four times, but I can already feel some positive effects.  For example, when I bend over to stretch my hamstrings, I can touch my shins instead of having to stop at the knees.  Yes, I have the tightest hamstrings in the country…they are as tight as Lindsay Lohan is loose (I think that should make the next round of SAT’s as some sort of Verbal question).  I can also definitely feel a small lift in my spirits for at least a day or two after yoga.  So, I can honestly say I’m enjoying myself…that being said, I’ve got some questions that have been lingering on the forefront of my mind for awhile now.

Since I have yet to be at a class where a male attended, what is the proper attire for my gender?  I don’t think yoga pants would be very flattering on me, so I’ve been wearing shorts.  This has not been a problem, until last class when we did shoulder stands.  I was, as per usual, wearing boxers and let’s just say there were one or two close calls.  Luckily I’m Jewish and um, well you get my drift.  Seriously though, do I have to pick up some spandex? I haven’t worn those since I was trying to imitate Andre Agassi back in 1989.

Another question for you females out there, do you think when a guy shows up to yoga class and clearly is a beginner, as is the case with me, we are only doing it to scheme on chicks?  I’ll be honest, it would’ve been way cheapier and easier for me to do yoga classes at UVM where I’m in school, but I would have felt like a total creep as an almost 30 year old walking into a class with a bunch of 19 year old females in tight clothes.  Damn, I immediately regret that decision.  In all seriousness, I feel creepy enough just ellipticaling next to them, let alone playing an exercize version of twister.

Finally, do I have to buy into the spiritual side of yoga to be accepted into the clique of yoga people?  The last ten minutes of class, which I’m supposed to be meditating during, I find myself thinking of the 3,000 word paper due the next day, or the girl from the bar that weekend with the great rack.  I can’t breathe in through one nostril and out the other, and for some reason I’m really uncomfortable saying “namaste” with everyone at the end.  It reminds me of religious services.  Just because I don’t feel one with the earth doesn’t mean I’m not getting something out of it, right?

Ok, that’s more than enough.  I won’t go into details about my thoughts on different poses, the last thing I want to do is give you a mental image of yours truly in odd stretches…I don’t like in the wall to wall mirror during yoga on purpose, I’d probably throw up in my mouth a little bit.

2 Responses to HE SAID: Yoga

  1. JW says:

    I’ve got to be the first to say it…If I could do that, I’d never leave the house. (rimshot) Thank you very much, ladies and gents. Don’t forget to try the veal…

  2. DPS says:

    Really? You’re in the UVM gym on the elliptical and you are worried about yoga blowing your rap?

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