HE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

March 28, 2011

Opening Day is 3 days away, so baseball will be the theme of today. If you don’t know baseball too well, click here for a brief history, Terrence Mann style.

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The only commercial that ever inspired me to buy Nike.

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So if the above two videos make me proud to be a baseball & Red Sox fan, this makes me want to cut all ties I have with Boston.

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Finally, some awesome tips for your Fantasy draft, courtesy of SportsPickle.


HE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

March 21, 2011

Just came across a band called ‘Electric Six.’ Unbelievable stuff…here are a couple of my favorite videos. This crap is ABSURD (possibly not safe for work)



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Some epic pics of this week’s supermoon.

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probably my favorite ‘crank text‘ so far from college humor.


HE SAID: The Doctor’s Office

March 16, 2011

“See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to *hold* the reservation…” Seinfeld.

Substitute the word ‘appointment’ for ‘reservation,’ and you get pretty much every single experience I have had with the doctor, and dentist for that matter. Yesterday I had an appointment to have a cyst removed from my lip at 330 (fyi, I really wanted to post this last night, it would have been super fun to try to hash all these thoughts out knocked up on some painkillers, but I already ramble enough incomprehensibly…so alas). It was a relatively minor operation, which only took 30 minutes once I got on the table. It was getting on the table that was the difficult part. I knew I was in trouble when my mother, who has been to this office a few times before for some benign skin cancer removal (and probably some botox even though she won’t admit it), asked me, “How many pages left do you have in that book?”

Me, “Book? What book? Reading is for losers and geeks that don’t get girls.” Then I remembered I am a geek who doesn’t get girls, so I said, “about 40 pages.”

She said, “You might want to bring another book.”

I did, and I read about 35 pages of that one before I finally got called in for surgery prep…and then another 15 while I waited for the doctor to finally come in.

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and complain that the doctor should have seen me as soon as I stepped into his office, because that would be detrimental to other people. But I can sit here and bitch about the system itself. I mean I guess if a new doctor is opening a new practice and doesn’t fully comprehend how long each type of appointment takes I can understand why delays might happen. I can even understand that more established doctros can’t foresee every single delay. So it’s not as if I expect to be seen on time each and every single time I go see a doctor or dentist. But once, just effing once, I’d like to check in for a 3:30 appointment at 3:28, take a leak, and get called in.

I was going to write an entire paragraph or more about how they should stop over scheduling, and leave a little more leeway for patients…but that would’ve launched me into doctors chasing more money than they already make, but that would’ve launched me into our healthcare system in general, and this is neither the time or place. Besides, my Dad is a doctor, doesn’t chase money, and sees ALL his patients on time…


SHE SAID: The Doctor’s Office

March 16, 2011

Hi, Jeremy.  I don’t believe we’ve met.  I’m Nifer, your co-blogger, and people like me are the reason why doctor’s offices run late.  Perhaps you’ve read my earlier post on the importance of being on time.  Or seen one of my kind running in 15 minutes after the appointment and being handed the clipboard of epic paperwork to fill out before we can even think of seeing the doctor.  We’re annoying as all hell, and if it makes you feel any better, I get rolled eyes, nasty nurses, and satanic receptionists on a regular basis.  It’s all part of my master plan to help you find more time to read.

But more importantly, I want to point out what a champion idiot you are for scheduling anything medically related past 11 am.  I thought everyone knew you just do not schedule doctor’s appointments for the afternoon.  Due to assholes like myself who thinks the world can wait for them, emergency appointments and patients (laugh lines can sneak up on you and when they do, I find Botox needs to be injected immediately) and long question and answer sessions for many appointments, there is no way in hell a doctor’s office is operating on schedule come 11 am.

You’re old enough to know better.

I’m worried I need to remind you, or alert you of other things I just assumed you knew.  When it’s cold out, put on a hat, a jacket, or both.  Don’t ask a woman you’re having an argument with if she’s “on her period”.  Use something other than a metal utensil while cooking in a non-stick pan.  Don’t refer to another woman as the C-word in front of 99.9% of women.  If someone writes you an email needing your credit card number and social security number, it’s a scam.

What else have I assumed you knew all this time?!


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

March 14, 2011

I’m dying. I love this guy. He has started a website to get himself a wife. He’s got a great sense of humor and isn’t kidding about this – he’s already responded to me about one fabulous lady I nominated.

Oh, also, Jeremy, I have this idea for you ….

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This is also a great source of enjoyment, but in an entirely different way …

Thanks, Rachel!

and here is the cover, already.

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My friend Robbi posted this on facebook a few days back. I wish I were cool enough to have thought of doing this on my own.

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This is a really well done piece – a guy recut Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and made a trailer with an “indie coming of age” feel.


HE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

March 14, 2011

First things first, donate if you can…Japan or whatever.

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I know Mondays can be tough, so do me a favor…everytime you need a pick me up watch this:

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You want to have fun filling out an NCAA Tournament Bracket this year? Try sportspickle’s ‘fail challenge.’

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Looking at Nic Cage’s Rotten Tomatoes page, it’s amazing this guy still gets cast in movies.

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CollgeHumor takes on Sheen. Charlie Sheen…with kids.


SHE SAID: Autocorrect

March 9, 2011

I’m tempted to start this off, dear autocorrect, because the feature seems to have a will of it’s own when determining what to twist my texts and emails into.  But I will not give in.  My phone is a technical gadget, a mere machine.  And despite all attempts to convince me otherwise, is not a replacement for a sibling, friend, or significant other.  My friend Maggie, citing her “carl” app, would disagree, but that’s another matter all together and not one that refutes my point of view.

Let’s start with my name.  I cannot tell you how many emails I have signed and quickly sent, sometimes in work-related situations, only to realize my phone has auto-corrected my name to either Nicer or Niger.  I know, and I have realized the need to hit the little x by the corner.  But shouldn’t the auto-correct be an option and not the default?  As far as I know, there is no way to make my phone recognize certain oft used words, like the owner’s name, but it’s something that should be remedied.

Also, I would like to address the censoring of swear words, or more specifically, my written swear words.  In the words of a friend, my iPhone edits the truck driver in me.  My description of the ducking customers I have to deal with while working retail or me getting shot housed is only confusing my friends and loved ones.

The word that gets me most often is “you”.  While furiously typing away on my phone, I mess this word up constantly.  No, I don’t have man hands, and no, I’m not working with a cast or finger splint.  I just can’t seem to get this word correctly on any attempt.  The correction, Ou, is “a fruit-eating Hawaiian honeycreeper with a stout bill and green and yellow plumage” and I refer to it several times a day in text messages and emails since my phone merely capitalizes ou instead of ducking adding a y to the beginning of the word.

Auto-correct’s only benefit, I have decided, is for miserable spellers.  Then the Rennaissance becomes the Renaissance, seperate becomes separate and embarassed becomes embarrassed.  Misspellers, I hope Ou’re happy.

In the meantime, I’m waiting for someone at Apple to give a shot about us ducking swearers named Nicer trying to communicate with Ou.