SHE SAID: Autocorrect

I’m tempted to start this off, dear autocorrect, because the feature seems to have a will of it’s own when determining what to twist my texts and emails into.  But I will not give in.  My phone is a technical gadget, a mere machine.  And despite all attempts to convince me otherwise, is not a replacement for a sibling, friend, or significant other.  My friend Maggie, citing her “carl” app, would disagree, but that’s another matter all together and not one that refutes my point of view.

Let’s start with my name.  I cannot tell you how many emails I have signed and quickly sent, sometimes in work-related situations, only to realize my phone has auto-corrected my name to either Nicer or Niger.  I know, and I have realized the need to hit the little x by the corner.  But shouldn’t the auto-correct be an option and not the default?  As far as I know, there is no way to make my phone recognize certain oft used words, like the owner’s name, but it’s something that should be remedied.

Also, I would like to address the censoring of swear words, or more specifically, my written swear words.  In the words of a friend, my iPhone edits the truck driver in me.  My description of the ducking customers I have to deal with while working retail or me getting shot housed is only confusing my friends and loved ones.

The word that gets me most often is “you”.  While furiously typing away on my phone, I mess this word up constantly.  No, I don’t have man hands, and no, I’m not working with a cast or finger splint.  I just can’t seem to get this word correctly on any attempt.  The correction, Ou, is “a fruit-eating Hawaiian honeycreeper with a stout bill and green and yellow plumage” and I refer to it several times a day in text messages and emails since my phone merely capitalizes ou instead of ducking adding a y to the beginning of the word.

Auto-correct’s only benefit, I have decided, is for miserable spellers.  Then the Rennaissance becomes the Renaissance, seperate becomes separate and embarassed becomes embarrassed.  Misspellers, I hope Ou’re happy.

In the meantime, I’m waiting for someone at Apple to give a shot about us ducking swearers named Nicer trying to communicate with Ou.

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