HE SAID: The Doctor’s Office

“See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to *hold* the reservation…” Seinfeld.

Substitute the word ‘appointment’ for ‘reservation,’ and you get pretty much every single experience I have had with the doctor, and dentist for that matter. Yesterday I had an appointment to have a cyst removed from my lip at 330 (fyi, I really wanted to post this last night, it would have been super fun to try to hash all these thoughts out knocked up on some painkillers, but I already ramble enough incomprehensibly…so alas). It was a relatively minor operation, which only took 30 minutes once I got on the table. It was getting on the table that was the difficult part. I knew I was in trouble when my mother, who has been to this office a few times before for some benign skin cancer removal (and probably some botox even though she won’t admit it), asked me, “How many pages left do you have in that book?”

Me, “Book? What book? Reading is for losers and geeks that don’t get girls.” Then I remembered I am a geek who doesn’t get girls, so I said, “about 40 pages.”

She said, “You might want to bring another book.”

I did, and I read about 35 pages of that one before I finally got called in for surgery prep…and then another 15 while I waited for the doctor to finally come in.

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and complain that the doctor should have seen me as soon as I stepped into his office, because that would be detrimental to other people. But I can sit here and bitch about the system itself. I mean I guess if a new doctor is opening a new practice and doesn’t fully comprehend how long each type of appointment takes I can understand why delays might happen. I can even understand that more established doctros can’t foresee every single delay. So it’s not as if I expect to be seen on time each and every single time I go see a doctor or dentist. But once, just effing once, I’d like to check in for a 3:30 appointment at 3:28, take a leak, and get called in.

I was going to write an entire paragraph or more about how they should stop over scheduling, and leave a little more leeway for patients…but that would’ve launched me into doctors chasing more money than they already make, but that would’ve launched me into our healthcare system in general, and this is neither the time or place. Besides, my Dad is a doctor, doesn’t chase money, and sees ALL his patients on time…

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