SHE SAID: Autocorrect

March 9, 2011

I’m tempted to start this off, dear autocorrect, because the feature seems to have a will of it’s own when determining what to twist my texts and emails into.  But I will not give in.  My phone is a technical gadget, a mere machine.  And despite all attempts to convince me otherwise, is not a replacement for a sibling, friend, or significant other.  My friend Maggie, citing her “carl” app, would disagree, but that’s another matter all together and not one that refutes my point of view.

Let’s start with my name.  I cannot tell you how many emails I have signed and quickly sent, sometimes in work-related situations, only to realize my phone has auto-corrected my name to either Nicer or Niger.  I know, and I have realized the need to hit the little x by the corner.  But shouldn’t the auto-correct be an option and not the default?  As far as I know, there is no way to make my phone recognize certain oft used words, like the owner’s name, but it’s something that should be remedied.

Also, I would like to address the censoring of swear words, or more specifically, my written swear words.  In the words of a friend, my iPhone edits the truck driver in me.  My description of the ducking customers I have to deal with while working retail or me getting shot housed is only confusing my friends and loved ones.

The word that gets me most often is “you”.  While furiously typing away on my phone, I mess this word up constantly.  No, I don’t have man hands, and no, I’m not working with a cast or finger splint.  I just can’t seem to get this word correctly on any attempt.  The correction, Ou, is “a fruit-eating Hawaiian honeycreeper with a stout bill and green and yellow plumage” and I refer to it several times a day in text messages and emails since my phone merely capitalizes ou instead of ducking adding a y to the beginning of the word.

Auto-correct’s only benefit, I have decided, is for miserable spellers.  Then the Rennaissance becomes the Renaissance, seperate becomes separate and embarassed becomes embarrassed.  Misspellers, I hope Ou’re happy.

In the meantime, I’m waiting for someone at Apple to give a shot about us ducking swearers named Nicer trying to communicate with Ou.

HE SAID: Autocorrect

March 9, 2011

*Note – this is aimed at all people (not just my lovely co-writer) who bitch about autocorrect, because there are lots of you…

It’s a bit difficult for me to commiserate with all you people & your annoyance at autocorrect; because after all, I still have an old school phone. It’s not exactly a Zac Morris style Nokia, I personally think it’s top of the line as far as non-smart phones go, but still, it doesn’t come with all the bells and whistles that you iphone and droid users get. For example, I need to actually think for myself when sending a text message. So maybe the tune I’m singing will change once I convert to the Verizon iphone in a couple months, but until then I have one, small piece of advice – all of you should probably just shut the eff up.

Actually, I just realized that I lied…in a way I do have access to autocorrect, because every so often I’ll use the wifi feature on my iTouch and send an email or two, perhaps write a message, who knows. But you know what I do when I write such a message? I make sure I don’t write anything that makes me look like an fu*%ing moron. Seriously, how hard is that to do? If you want to convey that you are out at the bars getting “SHITHOUSED” then pay a tiny bit of attention to your message, think a tiny bit for yourself, and make sure the “i” gets placed in the word. Unless of course you are actually that drunk…in which case while it is understandable you misspelling a word, at what age does it become less than cool to text your friends about how drunk you are?

I’m really trying my hardest to come up with something that makes me feel bad for you people…but all of you are using a phone worth more than the money in my checking account that allows you to do pretty much anything with the touch of your finger – you can do your banking, play angry birds, watch porn, listen to music, and even make a phone call or two. Yet you people choose to complain about a feature that is trying to help you? Just because you are too lazy to do some thinking, don’t blame Steve Jobs, he has enough to worry about.