HE SAID: Remakes

June 10, 2010

Not the same chemistry. Though that might be ok.

So I’ve touched on this before, but now that “K-Day” is actually just about here, I need to vent.  How can someone in good conscience remake a film as timeless as Karate Kid?  I just don’t understand it.  It is a classic that quarterlifers such as myself see as one of the major marks of their childhood.  Just because we have new technology to make things “better” does not necessarily mean we always have to use it (unless you are Bud Selig, commish for MLB, use technology for replay please so kids with perfect games can actually have them).

A little too close...

And the original Karate Kid was not just some joke of a kids movie…Pat Morita got nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  This was a well done movie, that I still have trouble turning off no matter how often it comes on ABC Family.  Were there issues? Of course…why would you move a junior in high school across the country for a waitressing job? Why did there have to be sexual tension between Daniel and Miyagi?  How inthe world is Elisabeth Shue actually into Ralph Macchio, which was the most unbelievable part of the original. Why do these things matter to me? Oops, that’s a whole different subject.

Now we are getting a remake, with a stunt man as Miyagi and an 11 year old learning effing kung fu (NOT KARATE).  I guess the bottom line is – what’s the point? I mean, I totally understand them making the A-Team into a movie.  It was never a movie, but even if you consider it a remake it makes sense…in this case our newer technology will make it a hell of a lot cooler than the original TV show, even if Mr. T isn’t involved.  Same thing with the two latest Batman flicks, which are not considered remakes either, but instead rebirths.  And after a Clooney and Kilmer sighting as Batman, it was definitely necessary.

But now people are calling for The Outsiders, The Goonies, Red Dawn (already in production, to be released around Thanksgiving).  When does it end? Maybe I’m just being selfish because these are some of my favorite childhood memories that I don’t want ruined by Michael Bay, who was most accurately described in the movie Team America – “Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?”  Would there be an uproar from our parents generation if some jackass in Hollywood announced a new Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid starring Nicolas Cage and Aston Kucher? Alright that’s it, I’m done…I hate being angry.  But if this enrages you as much as it does me let me know, I’ll picket with you outside theatres this weekend.