SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

December 27, 2010

I know Christmas is over … but if I could have a do over, I would like to ask Santa for these pajama jeans.  I mean how can you argue with a “jean” so comfortable that you can and will want to wear them while working out?!  Here is the infomercial.

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Holy cow.  This is amazing and for the first time, minivans are COOL.  Jodi Hill, the mind behind Eastbound and Down, was behind this new Toyota Sienna music video.  Brilliant move, Toyota.  Brilliant.

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I was okay with some of the eighties fashion trends returning. Off the shoulder tops and tapered jeans were okay, as were over-sized tops and leggings.  But I will not succumb to pleats, shoulder pads, or these ever again.  No matter how awesome Katie Holmes tries to make them seem*.

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I don’t even think I could do this in my dreams.

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*a reference to her stubborn habit of peg rolling her jeans about a year ago.

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SHE SAID: Holiday Music (and also, I’M BACK)

December 22, 2010

I started hearing Christmas music in stores this year before Thanksgiving, which should be illegal.  Not only is the retail push for the Christmas rush nauseating, but the music itself is one the whole, terrible.  I’m not talking about the awesome renditions of Baby, it’s Cold Outside or other highlights, which I have listened to on rare occasion while there was not a wreath hanging on my door, but I am referring to, oh just of the top of my head, the Barenaked Ladies rendition of Jingle Bells (wait until about 40 seconds in if you want to experience agony) or The Chipmunks singing Christmas Don’t Be Late (Alvin singing “hula hoop” is pretty cute, I will admit).  How about the Beach Boys Little Saint Nick which includes the insightful lyric, “Christmas comes this time each year.”  Or, my least favorite, anything by Sarah McLachlan who must have recorded her Christmas album right after she got food poisoning from her neighbor’s Christmas cookies after she was dumped under the mistletoe which after she was swiped by a car while walking home since her snowshoe broke in the middle of a snowstorm during which the hot chocolate burned her tongue.  The woman clearly was miserable when she recorded her Christmas album.  Listening to one song makes me depressed.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering (the one person reading this blog other than my mom) where this depth of knowledge regarding Christmas music comes from.  And the truth is that while working retail, I have been exposed to Holiday music non stop since Thanksgiving.  I find myself singing Feliz Navidad while folding laundry at night, I know more Chanukah songs that most of my Jewish friends and I know a lot about who has recorded holiday music.

And I have come to a few realizations in the past 30 days.

1. The Jews need to spice up their holiday music.  Between I Have A Little Dreidel, Oh Chanukah, Eight Days of Chanukah and Light One Candle, written by Peter, Paul & Mary, it’s looking a little drab even before getting thrown into the mix with the slew of chipper Christmas music on the airways.

2. The Christians need to tame it down.  Enough is enough.  How many covers of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas do we need?

3. Selling out is Huge.  Almost all new recording artists have covered a holiday song.  Including some surprises like Alison Krauss, No Doubt, Rhianna, Wyclef Jean and Lady Gaga.  I expected holiday music from Mariah Carey, Vanessa Williams and Michael Bolton, but not Sting and Maroon 5.

4. Auditory Torture is Real.  When listening to holiday music for extended periods of time, you can go mad, act violently, and have prolonged loss of consciousness.

5. There is no limit to Glee’s reach.  Seriously.  A Christmas album?  And it’s selling well?  To quote The Onceler, “you never can tell what some people will buy.”  That being said, since we ripped Glee apart I’ve been watching Glee regularly.  I’m being made fun of at home on a regular basis and we can delve into my love/hate relationship with Glee at a later date.

6. This one is shocking, but Advertising is Not Always True.  Now That’s What I Call Music 4 is claiming that Colbie Caillat is a superstar.  I beg to differ.

7. Cookies are Good and Make Listening to Christmas Music Easier.  Even when your son insists on making the gingerbread cookies Star Wars characters instead of the traditional gingerbread man and woman.


HE SAID: Holiday Music

December 22, 2010

There are two different aspects of your post I’d like to address.  First of all, with regards to “the Jews needing to step it up…”  Basically, we don’t.  Even since I’ve been alive people accuse the Jews (and by the way, when I say “jews” it is ok, because I’m Jewish; when you say it, you sound somewhat anti-semitic…just sayin) of commercializing Chanukah just to compete with JC’s birthday celebration.  That is a load of horsepoop.  The bottom line is our people know how to properly celebrate our holidays.  Chanukah, in the grand scheme of things, is really not that big of a deal on the Hebrew calendar.  It is cause for minor celebration, and minor celebration is what we do.  The minute Counting Crows (isn’t Adam Duritz tribal?) release an album full of Chanukah songs will be the day I completely renounce my religion, as opposed to the 99% I already have.

You people, yeah…you people, on the other hand get all your holidays out of whack.  You celebrate JC’s birthday for an entire month these days, it’s absurd; the only people I know who have birthday months are female princess types, who may or may not be Jewish.  Don’t get me started on that whole “our founder was killed and then resurrected himself so let’s celebrate with the bunny” thing…

Before I go any further, know that I am not a typical lonely Jew on Christmas, local families take me in and I have really cherished my last few December 24th/25ths…I am not Kyle Broflosky.

As for Christmas music, I’m not going to lie…I hate it, I really do.  The odd thing is I love Christmas eve and Christmas day, I guess it’s just the month leading up to it that gets under my skin, which is when I’m exposed to most of the music.  The other problem is I find the chipper tunes overly cheesy, and the not-so-chipper tunes so sentimental they honestly get me in a down mood.  Hearing, “Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas” on the radio, on an 8 degree snowy night in Vermont, when you are driving in the car alone…well, it’s effing depressing. If I were president, I’d ban Christmas music until December 18th, I think that would actually make me appreciate it more.  Of course, other people might disagree and enjoy hearing it the day Halloween ends, but this blog is not about them.

Finally, I agree with you about Colbie Caillat.  But if she shows up on my doorstep wearing a naughty Santa outfit offering to sing “Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas” I don’t think I’d turn it down…


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays

December 21, 2010

I don’t know if I’m the only one who missed this video this weekend, and I’m sure it’s getting forwarded on like mad, but it’s a rare skit of brilliance from SNL.

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The Onion’s most important people of 2010.

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The saddest Christmas card ever?

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Some cool and creative christmas trees.


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

November 1, 2010

Sound like the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear went well with well over 200,000 people in attendance.  Jon Stewart’s speech at the end was pretty heartfelt and impressive.  If you missed it, here it is:

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It’s November 1st.  That means it’s officially the first day of Movember.

“Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a moustache. The rules are simple, start Movember 1st  clean-shaven and then grow a moustache for the entire month.  The moustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for cancers that affect men.  Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a moustache for 30 days.”

I know I’ve been counting down the days and I can’t wait to see some photos of the participants!

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There seem to be an awful lot of people worked up about this stuff.  Maybe it’s a vocal tiny majority, but I feel like more and more of these types of posts/pieces are being written.  Here are 10 words you need to stop misspelling.

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TSA screening got a whole lot more personal and yet still falls short of actually protecting anyone.


SHE SAID: Case of the Mondays?

August 23, 2010

The first airline safety video I’ve paid attention to in years.

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Today is national spongecake day.  Happy spongecake day.  I wish I it were national bread pudding day…

If you’re kicking yourself for not being prepared, here is a link to the days of the year dedicated to celebrating food.  It would be easier if it were laid out in a calendar month form, but this way you can scroll through to your favorite foods.

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This link is for Jeremy.  Given his love of Catcher in the Rye and his favorite reading throne, this is right up his alley.

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I’ve always said 1978 was a great year.  I was born, Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds got his 3,000th major league hit, and “books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out.”  Want to check out what happened the year you were born?


HE SAID: Nicknames

May 7, 2010

I’ve had way too many in my lifetime – Jerms, Germ, J-Dawg, J-Flex, J-Money, Howard, Howie, Hoppa, Yourmeaho (that is my Hebrew name…I butchered the spelling), Jezza, J-How, and probably lots more behind my back.  Quite frankly, I love them, all of them.  Each one holds a special place in my heart.  Even my brother’s nickname for my serve in tennis “the Jeremy serve” is special to me.  If only because I know it comes from a place of jealousy, because we both know my serve is superior to his.  But it’s not really his fault he is only 5’5, yet I digress.  Here are some of my favorite nicknames and the backstory…

#1 – “GAR” Really the impetus for this entire post, calling one of our friends Gar is pretty much my favorite thing to do, ever.  Holiday party, 2006.  Nice little get together, probably about 25 people or so at the peak.  I may or may not have fed one of our friends, who I’ll call Linda, a bit too much red wine (Ed & Sarah, I do apologize for bringing red wine to your white carpeted apartment, I never got that memo).  Well, towards the end of the night Linda’s brother spotted her from outside making out pretty effing heavily with a friends little brother.  Appropriately, he screamed, “GET A ROOM”.  Hence, Gar.  We still call her that.  In fact, a postscript to the story is at a hungover brunch about a year ago, a friend of the family thought Linda’s mom should know why we call her Gar.  Great stuff.

#2 “Sophistication Station” At summer camp about a decade ago, one of our friends was a few years our elder, and thus a few years wiser.  There is no way he was more sophisticated though.  I think we were going for that ironical thing, like when a 6’7 350 pound dude gets called “Tiny.” Anyway, he did quite well with the ladies that summer, hence the nickname.

#3 – “Ian”  Not a nickname, I know.  About 8 or 9 summers ago our camp staff all got some soccer t-shirts made, and we all could pick our own name for the back.  I chose “Maverick,” since Top Gun was a big movie that summer and Tom Cruise was not yet a crazy scientologist.  Of course there was “Station”.  One of our friends, named Ian, went with “Ian.”  Not very clever.  But at least he finally made the blog.

#4 – “J-Flex” – One of my many nicknames.  Look at that picture, that is my bicep…need I explain any further?