HE SAID: Words with Friends

May 27, 2011

There are 3 facts that I know about myself: 1. I am a nerd…I like to think of myself as one of those, “cool nerds,” but even that probably isn’t true. 2. I am in love with my iPhone4. 3. In direct relation to fact #2, I am, quite literally, obsessed with the ‘Words with Friends’ application. At this time, I have approximately 12 games going…and yes, all those games are with actual friends, not with strangers. I’m not that desperate. It might even interest you to know that I am 1-0 all time against “She Said.” In fact, she was forced to resign because she didn’t play a single move after I started a game. I don’t want to say that’s typical of her, but it’s typical of her.

The beauty of having so many games going at once is pretty much at any given time, I have a move to make. This means that I can now cancel all the magazine subscriptions I have (ESPN, SI, & Entertainment Weekly for those wondering), not to mention stop risking my laptop further damage. Why? You might ask. Because I can bring my iPhone with me into the pooper and make a move. And if it so happens that it is a rare occurrence where I have no moves to make, I’ll play some Angry Birds. Of course, the former might be exposing myself to some future preparation H use, but eff it. The games are that fun.

Not that Words with Friends is perfect, mind you. As always, I do have some issues. First and foremost, they need to figure out how to eliminate trial and error from the game. I mean for effs sake, I threw down S-E-X-T-O-N with ‘x’ on a triple letter and the word on a double word for  a substantial amount of points. Turns out the word refers to a church official in charge of ringing the bell. You think if we were playing Scrabble and someone challenged me I would’ve been confident that it was an actual word? Hell no. I only played it because I just went to a Martin Sexton concert last month.

Along those same lines, and this is not the responsibility, but cheating simply should be punishable by banishment of the application. There are some people I play who play multiple words in a row that reek of cheating. There is trial and error (lame), and there is using words that Charles Rudolph Quirk (can you believe there is a Wiki page for ‘famous linguists’?) has never heard of (wrong). I feel like I should be able to point this out to the developers of Words with Friends, and on a case by case basis they can decide to delete the app from the wrong-doers phone and not allow it to be downloaded again. Too harsh?


SHE SAID: Words with Friends

May 27, 2011

There are three things I know about HeSaid. #1 He once swore to me in a fit of passion that he would never own an Apple product (this might have been while I was considering whether or not to buy a shuffle because my iPod was too bulky*). #2. He first gave in to an iPod, then an iMac and now owns an iPhone. #3. iWin that little argument.

I wish I didn’t know that you bring your phone into the bathroom. That’s a little nasty, hygiene-wise.  I mean, you’re putting that thing up to your mouth and ear after getting it dangerously close to fecal matter. Pink eye is the best that can come from that scenario.

Having owned an iPhone since the first generation, before there was a camera which was a gross oversight on Apple’s part, I have known about Words With Friends longer than within the last week and maybe I need to revisit this little gem of HeSaid’s, because I have to confess, I was not that impressed initially. I don’t have ADD, or ADHD, but I like to sit down and play a game. I have trouble making a move in a game and then going about my day and waiting until my opponent has a chance to check in and make a move. I like waiting for my friend to play, humming the Jeopardy theme song while waiting, and in turn, having the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for you to place your tiles play into my game. Words With Friends is like the OJ Simpson Bronco car chase of board games.

What’s more, HeSaid is harping on the game for allowing cheating, and yet he’s celebrating a 1-0 record with me for a game I apparently was forced to forfeit that I was not even aware was taking place.  Words With Friends creators, there is a gross oversight!  How can you not alert someone that they are challenged when their failure to play a move results in a loss?  This is my record you’re screwing with!  If there is an asterisk next to certain ball players in the Hall of Fame, I hope there is one next to that win for HeSaid.

Angry Birds is another game all together and highly addictive until you realize how many hours of your life you’re missing while glued to a game that involves sending birds flying into various structures. I lost my husband (yeah, that’s new) for days, maybe even weeks when he first discovered that game. Thankfully, we’ve moved on.

Currently, in my super exciting life, I’m into KenKen and Scramble.  I hear via HeSaid that there is a great Buck Hunter application, but I have yet to try it.  I also love Instagram and Photosynth; both make the terrible pictures I take look artsy and a little bit more cool.

ie:

*Can we please discuss the name of the shuffle?  Apple seems pretty dedicated to this i thing … so why not the iShuffle or the iMini or the iLittleiPod or the iMusicPlayerYouCanClipOnToYourClothingWhileYouExercise.


SHE SAID: Autocorrect

March 9, 2011

I’m tempted to start this off, dear autocorrect, because the feature seems to have a will of it’s own when determining what to twist my texts and emails into.  But I will not give in.  My phone is a technical gadget, a mere machine.  And despite all attempts to convince me otherwise, is not a replacement for a sibling, friend, or significant other.  My friend Maggie, citing her “carl” app, would disagree, but that’s another matter all together and not one that refutes my point of view.

Let’s start with my name.  I cannot tell you how many emails I have signed and quickly sent, sometimes in work-related situations, only to realize my phone has auto-corrected my name to either Nicer or Niger.  I know, and I have realized the need to hit the little x by the corner.  But shouldn’t the auto-correct be an option and not the default?  As far as I know, there is no way to make my phone recognize certain oft used words, like the owner’s name, but it’s something that should be remedied.

Also, I would like to address the censoring of swear words, or more specifically, my written swear words.  In the words of a friend, my iPhone edits the truck driver in me.  My description of the ducking customers I have to deal with while working retail or me getting shot housed is only confusing my friends and loved ones.

The word that gets me most often is “you”.  While furiously typing away on my phone, I mess this word up constantly.  No, I don’t have man hands, and no, I’m not working with a cast or finger splint.  I just can’t seem to get this word correctly on any attempt.  The correction, Ou, is “a fruit-eating Hawaiian honeycreeper with a stout bill and green and yellow plumage” and I refer to it several times a day in text messages and emails since my phone merely capitalizes ou instead of ducking adding a y to the beginning of the word.

Auto-correct’s only benefit, I have decided, is for miserable spellers.  Then the Rennaissance becomes the Renaissance, seperate becomes separate and embarassed becomes embarrassed.  Misspellers, I hope Ou’re happy.

In the meantime, I’m waiting for someone at Apple to give a shot about us ducking swearers named Nicer trying to communicate with Ou.


HE SAID: Autocorrect

March 9, 2011

*Note – this is aimed at all people (not just my lovely co-writer) who bitch about autocorrect, because there are lots of you…

It’s a bit difficult for me to commiserate with all you people & your annoyance at autocorrect; because after all, I still have an old school phone. It’s not exactly a Zac Morris style Nokia, I personally think it’s top of the line as far as non-smart phones go, but still, it doesn’t come with all the bells and whistles that you iphone and droid users get. For example, I need to actually think for myself when sending a text message. So maybe the tune I’m singing will change once I convert to the Verizon iphone in a couple months, but until then I have one, small piece of advice – all of you should probably just shut the eff up.

Actually, I just realized that I lied…in a way I do have access to autocorrect, because every so often I’ll use the wifi feature on my iTouch and send an email or two, perhaps write a match.com message, who knows. But you know what I do when I write such a message? I make sure I don’t write anything that makes me look like an fu*%ing moron. Seriously, how hard is that to do? If you want to convey that you are out at the bars getting “SHITHOUSED” then pay a tiny bit of attention to your message, think a tiny bit for yourself, and make sure the “i” gets placed in the word. Unless of course you are actually that drunk…in which case while it is understandable you misspelling a word, at what age does it become less than cool to text your friends about how drunk you are?

I’m really trying my hardest to come up with something that makes me feel bad for you people…but all of you are using a phone worth more than the money in my checking account that allows you to do pretty much anything with the touch of your finger – you can do your banking, play angry birds, watch porn, listen to music, and even make a phone call or two. Yet you people choose to complain about a feature that is trying to help you? Just because you are too lazy to do some thinking, don’t blame Steve Jobs, he has enough to worry about.