Ironically, it is super lame for a male to write a blog about lame shoes, but given what I saw this weekend at Vermont Brewfest, I have deemed it absolutely necessary to unburden my soul. So, I have decided to rant about Teva’s, how lame they are, and how lame they have always been. While it may be unconventional for our typical posts, Nifer is free to choose whatever shoes she wishes to shit on.
Look at this picture – somehow, American teenagers thought looking like that was cooler than rollerblading in the mid 1990’s. How the fuck is this even remotely possible? Did that one super cool lax player sport Teva’s at his New England Boarding school one day, with his Nantucket Red Shorts, and they just spread like wildfire?
I know what the marketing ploy was – sandals you could wear to the beach and still be active in, as opposed to just regular old flip-flops. You know what else work? A pair of sneakers. Don’t want to get sand on your trendy New Balances (shit, I wear trendy New Balances), then wear a pair of old sneakers. Better yet, you are at the fucking beach – don’t wear anything on your feet.
You know what the worst part is? In 1995, my Dad had a pair of Teva’s and I didn’t. And I was so jealous. I wanted the straps, I wanted to be tan on half of my feet with white stripes cris-crossing. Actually, that’s a lie, I wanted to have burnt red feet with white stripes cris-crossing. Thankfully, my parents instead sent me off to camp that summer with a some tennis sneakers and a pair of shower flip flops.
But they also sent me with a bag full of rollerblading gear, and I probably looked like more of a dbag than this guy. I guess that’s a bit of a digression, which is a sing it’s a good time to stop ripping people who thought this was cool. So, Nifer, what about you? Do you agree Teva’s are lamer than any other shoe fashion? Anyone else who cares to weigh in feel free to leave a comment…