SHE SAID: Just Friends

July 15, 2009

Is it possible for men and women to be friends?

guys and girls

I grew up sandwiched between two brothers.  I had a bowl cut, skinned palms and knees, and didn’t wear a girl’s bathing suit until people started making rude comments.  Even then, I wasn’t psyched about it – Jams were cool and sand didn’t get all caught in the lining.  My best friend, Joe, lived next door and we had a path between our houses, a break in the stone wall, and a whole world in our backyards.  This all crumbled when an upperclassman asked us on the bus ride home from school if we were dating.  I didn’t understand it back then.

Is it possible for two people of the opposite sex to respect each other and enjoy each other’s company without a relationship developing or the want of something more on either side fucking everything up?  I would like to believe so.  Because if not, any time a man is nice to me, it would follow that I have to assume it’s because he wants to sleep with me or that he wants me making his waffles and folding his underwear on a Saturday morning in the future.  And that’s pretty depressing because I think we all have a lot to offer as friends and people in addition to what we offer as a lover or spouse.

And I hope that every time I smile at a guy and look him in the eye he’s not thinking I want to sleep with him or that I’m hitting on him.  Because I’m not.  I’m being polite and nice and nothing else.  Is male/female interaction really all about sex?  Am I incredibly naive to think it doesn’t always have to be and that I don’t always want it to be?

I enjoy my girlfriends.  I enjoy conversations with close girl friends that I would never have with my brothers or close guy friends.  But I also enjoy my guy friends and the ease of their personalities, the dynamic that can be cuttingly sarcastic, downright crude and also incredibly helpful.

I enjoy my guy friends and I don’t want to sleep with them – hopefully that doesn’t offend them.  I don’t want to have to worry when we’re hanging out that they want to sleep with me.  That by laughing at a funny joke I’m leading them on.

It’s kind of along the same lines as the whole just because a woman is gay doesn’t mean she wants to bone every woman who walks the face of this earth … or vice versa for a gay man.  Yes, I have friends who are insane and attracted to a LOT of people, but that’s the exception, not the rule.  And yes, some of them might want to take every guy they meet who has a pulse home, but for the most part, if “it” isn’t there, a friendship sure as hell would be a sweet second option.

I get bummed out thinking about the friendship that Joe and I missed out on because some ass made a comment that made us both uncomfortable.


HE SAID: Just Friends

July 15, 2009

Nifer, in the words of one of our good (male) friends, you are “intelligent and attractive woman,” but that doesn’t mean all your male friends want to sleep with you.  Just kidding, I know that wasn’t the point of your post, it just felt right to start off that way.

The answer to your query is a resounding, ‘yes.’ It is absolutely possible for men and women to be friends, without the want of a relationship or sex involved.  I have many female friends who don’t interest me sexually in the least.  And I’m pretty positive that I do not interest them sexually, which makes things perfect. 

But the major issue is when there is a friendship between a male and a female, and one member of said friendship wants to, excuse my language, fuck the friend six ways from Sunday.  This can cause a bit of friction, to say the least.  We’ve all been on both sides of this position before (I’m not referring to missionary, doggystyle, etc…rather the position of wanting more with a friend, or having a friend want more with you), and there are certain steps that can be taken to try to push the relationship back on the road to friendship.  

For example make a poignant effort to spend a little less time together.  Often times someone can fall in love just by simply being around another person.  One time I’m pretty sure I fell in love with a girl simply because we would hang out four nights a week. I didn’t plan on it, I just got so used to being with her I missed her when she was not around (PS – good thing that didn’t happen , that bitch is crazy). 

When you do spend time together, probably best to do it in a group setting.  I was best friends with a girl in high school, and by ‘best friends’ I mean I was head over heels, hopelessly in love with her.  Once at a high school party I decided to go home, and she asked if she could crash at my house.  Of course I let her, and I ended up on my bedroom floor while she snored away soundly in my twin bed.

I know this would suck, but try toning things down like eye contact.  When people start to fall for others, they will rationalize the shit out of things.  As in, if all of a sudden I’m feeling sexual feelings towards someone, that eye contact just went from “that’s just me and my good friend connecting” to “she is gazing into my eyes, I think she wants me to take her down on the kitchen floor right now.”  The last thing you want to do with a friend is be unnatural and what not, but sometimes it’s best just short-term, to drive the point home that nothing is going to happen.

If time passes and your ‘friend’ is still asking you to go mini golfing  with him/her, camping together (“of course I’ll bring an extra sleeping bag”), etc…and you simply don’t see the situation resolving itself, my advice have one incredible session of sex.  It might ruin the friendship, but if things were past a point of no return anyway, it was probably already ruined.   And at least this way you can get laid.