So it’s that time again. My television watching is getting interrupted with shooting stars, giddy teenagers holding microphones and the affected singing of overly gelled and highly scripted “singing sensations.” American Idol. It’s back. Apparently FOX is trying to one up the Halloween franchise and make more sequels to a mediocre original than ever before.
There isn’t one thing about this show I like. These kids often times can’t hit the notes, screw up the song, sing too affectedly, or at the very best, give an overwhelmingly uninspired performance that is celebrated. Seems about right for FOX programming. If I wanted to hear bad renditions of songs I like, I would teleport back to college and attend more a Capella concerts (as a viewer, because yes, I was in an a Capella group*). And I certainly don’t want to hear bad renditions of songs I don’t like. That is just torture. And yet a lot of people I know and respect subject themselves to this week after week, season after season.
And then the judging. Paula Abdul (entertaining as hell because who doesn’t like to watch a heavily medicated, drunk train wreck try to come off as genuine and intelligent about the topic at hand but I’m sorry, when did the singer of Opposites Attract become an informed music critic?) paired up with Randy (annoying – strop trying so hard to come across as an in-touch black man and you might come across as an in-touch black man) and Simon (of course America villanizes the one person on the show who knows something about music and performing who is willing to tell the vast majority of applicants that they are not as amazing as they would like to be and to go home and figure out some other options) make up the trifecta that leads the American audience through the nightmare that is AI. I guess it’s better than Paris, Britney and Celine-things could be worse.
I hate that there are actual people out there trying to make it in the music industry while these instant gratification addicts audition image and talent (both rated equally on American Idol) and completely alter themselves as the stylist recommends a few weeks into the show and sell out to whatever genre needs a new star that year. The industry is already awash with fraudulent entertainers trying to pass themselves off as the hippest definition of cool to whatever target audience they are trying to appeal to … do we need fourteen year-olds with an entourage of salaried FOX employees telling them how to cut their hair and what color eye liner to apply in addition? Then, cue the seasonal fade to oblivion as America moves on like the fickle audience we are until the promotion of the next season or the obligatory record release brings the forgotten face to our screens in a heartfelt, falling star filled montage once again.
I hope once Simon quits this show it shrivels up without it’s villain or pill popping bobble head idiot. The world will be a better place without it.
*In the interest of full disclosure, I was also in the hand-bell choir while in college. White gloves and all. Look up “cool college student” in the dictionary and you’ll see me.