SHE SAID: Brett Favre … really!?

October 8, 2010

Maybe we should switch this blog to consist solely of open letters to Brett Favre.  It sounds like he could use the input.  In addition to Jeremy’s requesting his official and final retirement, I would add a big “really!?”

I think teenagers are foolish for sending pictures of themselves naked or barely clothed.  Unfortunately, the inevitable release of these photos into the viral wilds of the high school halls leads to embarrassment, bullying, and at best, a life lesson learned.  As adults, I like to think we know better.  Although she’s an adult, I think Courtney Love is foolish as well, but her being cracked out most of the time is a legitimate defense.  Plus, the pictures are more of a life lesson in terrifying people away from drugs, so it’s almost a public service that she tweets so honestly about her life.

And then we have Brett, who has no drug addiction to back up his latest blunder.  No, I’m not talking about wearing crocs as a grown adult (which apparently he was donning in one of the texted photos), but Deadspin’s breaking news item.  And, as an older, married, seemingly intelligent man in a high profile position, I would like to think he would know better than to use MySpace and texts if he was interested in wooing someone.  The MySpace mention was enough for me not to believe the allegations (who even uses MySpace anymore?).  But why would a successful athlete put himself out on a limb and send those texts?  Did he not consider that might come back to haunt him?  Why did he figure that sending her pictures of him holding himself and possibly pleasuring himself would win her over?  Are our treasured athletes that removed from reality that he thought that would work?  And how idiotic do you have to be to provide that material (or ammo) to someone who isn’t a trusted confidant?

While I’m flabbergasted that someone who has the ability to lead a team would make such a grave alleged mistake, ultimately, I’m not sure that I care that much.  Mr. Favre has shown season and season again with his numerous painfully timed temporary retirements, that he is more interested in himself than his team.  Why am I surprised that this mentality carries over to other aspects of his life?  It’s his marriage to screw up, it’s his endorsements to lose, and it’s his lack of six inches that’s getting scrutinized online.  And so all I’m left with, in the words of Tina Fey and Seth Meyers, is … Really!?

SHE SAID: Cell Phone Etiquette*

November 3, 2009


I am a fan of cell phones.  I love my iPhone. I love that I can access my email, the world wide web, twitter, the weather, my calendar, a crossword … all these things are at my fingertips and I abuse that on occasion, like most people I know.  We have the ability to constantly be in touch, and while most people I know are able to deal with that healthily, enough of us have been annoyed by someone’s cell phone habits at some point in time.  I feel some boundaries are necessary and here are some rules I think should be mandatory.

Your ring-tone … If you just have to have Miley Cyrus as your ring-tone, please keep the volume at a low level.  While I would ask this of any ring-tone, musical ones are particularly annoying because no matter how awesome the song, it’s going to sound bad when sampled for your ring-tone and not all around you are going to be fans of your particular choice.

If you are in a movie theater, a meeting, class, etc.  putting your phone on vibrate will do just fine.

Talking while in a close public space is not always necessary.  While I get that your mother or husband or wife or whoever might call while you’re in the store because they need you to pick something else up that wasn’t on the list, it is not necessary to be on the phone with your best friend going over the details of last night’s disastrous date with a fine toothed comb in the check out line.  I have overheard really personal conversations, disgusting details, and many a bathroom conversation (really … does the other person know you’re sitting in a public rest room doing god knows what while they are talking to you?) because people cannot seem to find a private place to carry on their phone call.

In addition – to have your phone on speakerphone while in public is downright wrong.  While you might find yourself and your conversation fascinating, let me assure you, the rest of us do not.

Also, it is not required that you always answer your phone.  If you are having a real face-to-face interaction with someone, it’s pretty rude to pick up your phone.  Again, emergencies aside, it’s okay to miss a call and call someone back later.

Ringback-tones are a terrible, terrible idea.  When I call someone, I don’t want to hear a song while I wait for them to pick up.  I usually have some sort of music going on in the background anyway.  Plus, it makes me feel like I’m calling some huge corporation, not a family member or someone I know.

Texting should be limited to quick exchanges.  If it’s going to be long, or you need to discuss options, just call.  Also, if someone calls you, they wanted to talk, not text.  You should call them back.

Blue-tooth headsets.  Brad Pitt (one of People Magazine’s sexiest men alive) and David Beckham recently modeled blue-tooth headsets on two different magazine covers.  Proving that no matter how awe inspiring your good looks are, you still look like a complete tool with a blue-tooth headset on.  Wearing one when you’re not on your phone is … well, if you want to do that to yourself, that’s fine, but I try to help those I love and tell them when they look like an idiot.

*Thanks to Laura Page for the post idea.

SHE SAID: Technology, you’re not helping

September 13, 2009


Women obsess.  We obsess and over think and tweak out about small stuff sometimes and need to be reminded to calm down.  We make things more difficult than they often times need be, and yes, we expect you to read our minds sometimes even though we give no indication as to what we are thinking or want.  We also, on occasion, obsess about guys.  I like to think I do it less than most, but Jeremy might disagree with me wholeheartedly.

At this point in time, I have more single friends than I have had in a long time.  It’s fun.  We see a lot of each other and we talk a lot more than we would were we all seeing someone.  Inevitably though and more and more frequently, I feel, this talk turns to men and how my friends are looking for a normal guy who won’t cheat on them, doesn’t laze around smoking weed all day, has ambition, likes to laugh and also wants to have sex with them since the days are turning into weeks and months at this point.

Doesn’t seem like a lot to ask.  And yet, the search has made many a sane woman go completely off her rocker.

And what’s more, this access to a million different types of technology is not helping.  So, instead of thinking about a guy all day and wondering why he’s not calling or pursuing her, one friend can check his Facebook page seven times an hour.  Another can email a guy ten times before lunch.  Texting back and forth or sometimes just forth, forwarding on his email for dissection by friends …. the access to information brings the level of obsession through the roof.

But this has been covered.  I admittedly saw He’s Just Not That Into You while stuck on a very long plane ride back from Prague.  Disclaimer: the idea was it would be so bad that I would sleep, instead I was awake and forced to watch a terribly movie on a very tiny screen.  But, I’m used to small screens at this point.  My point being, Drew Barrymore’s character has a funny line about when you’re wondering if a guy is going to contact you, you have way too many places to check (email, myspace, facebook, voicemails on land or cell phones, text, IM ….)

What hasn’t been covered is what happens when the technology we so readily abuse ends up screwing us instead.

Exhibit A: I once dated a guy who didn’t want anyone to know we were dating.  For almost three years, we dated secretly (yes, I have numerous issues stemming from this, but we’ll talk about that another time).  Thinking I was emailing him, I sent on an email to a mutual friend.  The cat was so out of the bag.  What was funnier was my follow up email, pretending I had been kidding in the first.

Exhibit B: A friend, forgetting her crush’s email address, tried to select just his name from a list so she could continue their flirtation.  Instead, she sent on their string of flirtatious emails to all of their mutual friends … one of whom was her brother.

Exhibit C: Another friend, thinking she was emailing someone on Facebook, posted private and intimate details on her boyfriend’s wall.

Exhibit D: Thinking she was texting someone else about breaking up with her boyfriend, a friend ended up sending the text to him instead.  Interestingly enough, it made the whole break up a lot easier than she had anticipated.

Technology, you’re not helping.  You’re making everything easier, more immediate, more accessible, and inevitably harder.  Because you don’t take the giddy factor into the equation.  Our minds are racing, we’re obsessing and over thinking and hoping … and only then we realize we hit the wrong button.  The room for error is just wide enough to provide some disastrous results.

But of course, it all makes for a great story somewhere far enough down the line.

HE SAID: Technology, you ARE helping

September 13, 2009

There are so many places to start, I really am at a loss…so I’ll do what I typically do in real life and let a movie quote do the talking for me:

“Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see… But still, I love technology.” ~ Kip Dynamite

I must agree with Kip here.  There are millions of reasons why I love technology, but when it comes to technology and members of the opposite sex, the main reason I love seems to be exactly why Nifer hates it.  In your post you talk about how instead of merely thinking about someone all day, one can check facebook, email, texting yada yada yada…Isn’t that better than simply thinking about some chick you have a crush on but isn’t concacting you?  At least you might get an answer through technology.

For example, when I was living in Alabama I called this one girl I kind of liked to hang out one day, left a message and didn’t hear back for a couple of hours.  Via facebook, I found out she was “spending the day at the beach with Brad.”  If it had been 1995 instead of 2005, I would’ve been obsessing all day about this broad wondering why she couldn’t pick up her effing phone.  But alas, technology (while it may have given me some rather negative news) came to my rescue…not only did I have the answer as to why she wasn’t calling me back, but I knew never to call that whore again.

Also, I take umbrage with your statement about how technology ends up ‘screwing you.’  Actually, that’s not entirely true…because your statement could indeed be true.  There are many times when technology does indeed screw us.  So, I guess it’s really your Exhibits I take umbrage with; because, it wasn’t technology that screwed the subject of each example, it was the subject that screwed the subject.  Is it technology’s fault you emailed a mutual friend instead of your boyfriend (who wanted to keep you hidden? Are you fucking serious? That’s straight out of an episode of 90210), or that your friend posted ‘intimate details’ on a facebook wall instead of a message?  No, it’s not technology’s fault, it’s your own effing fault.   Just like a typical woman, refusing to take responsibility for your actions…but I digress.

By the way, how ‘intimate’ were these details? Just curious.

Technology also makes things easier for the, how shall I put it, less than confident people.  Instead of having to call a girl, or ask a girl out in person, the less confident people can shoot a text/IM/facebook message without fear of actually hearing the rejection.  I swear, I’m not referring to myself here, but other less than confident people.  Time to wrap up, just got a text from a girl telling me to check my email (which will probably be an email informing me that I have a new facebook wall post).

SHE SAID: Texting/Email Abbreviations

July 3, 2009

Jeremy is concerned about coming across as a “lazy, fat slob who does nothing but watch movies and 90210 repeats all day” and I probably come across as an uptight and dour over analyzer.  So, to continue in that vein, I’m going to go off on email and text abbreviations.


The reason I have an issue isn’t entirely because they are lame.  While I understand that point of view, I also understand why they are useful.  Yes, it is easier to type “k” instead of “okay”.  Especially if you’re driving while drinking a hot cup of coffee, turning up the volume on the radio and IM-ing on your phone, all of which some people find acutely necessary at times.  I have an issue with the younger generation (no, I am not 80 despite how that came out) abusing and relying too heavily on this electronic slang before understanding and correctly applying grammatical rules of language.

When I was in high school, this was in the mid-nineties (after pinch rolling jeans and scrunchies but before boot cut jeans and spaghetti strap tank tops), we didn’t have cell phones.  We didn’t have text/SMS messaging, instant messaging, we didn’t even have email addresses (exclude the occasional kid who had a compuserve email which consisted of seventeen million  Shortening the language for quick communication wasn’t an issue, and people still couldn’t get it right.  A high school acquaintance started off a paper about the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and the start of the WWI with “King Willy was like wow.”  King Willy being Wilhelm II.  We couldn’t get language right without proper study back before we had no excuse.  How can we expect proper sentence structure and language flow now?

Still not 80.

I will accept almost anything in a text message.  You write gr8, yes, I will chuckle and think it’s lame, but I don’t expect much.  Texting is the fast food of the written word.  I’m also pretty lenient on email.  Capitalization, run-ons, sentences ending in a preposition, misspellings, it’s okay.  But, gr8 in an email?  I’ll draw the line there.  And I made fun of a friend who wrote: “U r correct. How u been? Might be grabbing a burger. U ought to join if u r free.”

As far as words like pwn are concerned, while flirting with the slippery slope of abbreviation, they are ultimately different.  While suspect because the etymology is based on a possible typo, pwned and the like are different in that they are how language is developing and being effected by the world wide web and instant communication.  While I might not utilize it, I agree with Samuel Johnson that language cannot be contained and is constantly evolving.  I’m not fighting evolution, but I am daring to say no to bastardization.

Brb, lol, rotflmao, gr8, omg, tmi … WTF!  Are you really laughing out loud?  I am you.  Not u.  Is it that hard to give the y and the o equal attention?  Anyone who resorts to the abbreviations becomes a twelve year-old girl to me.  And while twelve year-old girls are wonderful, I don’t respect their command of the written word, nor do I think anyone over 12 should be taking tips from them on communication.  Because I don’t want to “be all” anything.  And I don’t want to start every conversation with “Oh my God” and end it with “TTYL”.

HE SAID: Texting/Email Abbreviations

July 3, 2009

Once again, Nifer, you are relatively spot on with your social commentary here.  I’m simply going to elaborate a bit on your thoughts.  Before that however, I’m going to rip on you for even knowing the term ‘pwn.’  I for one, had never heard of it.  I was forced to use AltaVista, er I mean google, to find out what it means.  According to most of the sites I found the general consensus seems to lead to this definition of pwn, “to own, in the sense of defeat, usually pertaining to online gaming.”  Wow, you are a huge geek. Do you lead a sercret online gaming life no one knows about?  Is the real reason you decided to be a freelance designer was so that you could sit at home and take over the World of Warcraft?  Seriously, how the fuck do you know the word ‘pwn?’ Please divulge!  All in jest, had to get that out there though. Haha.

It’s my last word that I really want to focus on, ‘haha.’  I could have very easily used the ‘lol’ thing in that spot, but instead of using a lame ass term like that, I used one extra letter to actually convey the fact that I was indeed, laughing.  That’s what kills me about most of these text abbreviations.  For the most part, there are always substitutes (in many cases actual real words) that aren’t nearly as lame.  Lol = haha. TY = thx (not quite as lame) = thanks (a whole effing 4 extra letters).  Y = yes.  FO = fuck off.

Now, like you, I do give some leeway when it comes to text messages, given that usually you have a limited amount of characters.  But lets face it, how often are you really in danger of coming close to that limit?  I thought for a minute I’d give leeway to younger kids too who like to chat online.  Mainly because they might not be quite as good at typing since they are younger, and use that whole “hunting and pecking” routine.  But you know what? Screw that.  Practice those longer words and sentences and you might get to know QWERTY a whole lot quicker.

There is a caveat for the difference between texts and emails now.  With the amount of people who own iphones and blackberrys, the line between a text and an email has become blurrier than my vision last week (before I embraced my dorkness and got a pair of spectacles).  When sending an email from one of these phones, is it really that much different than a text? Anyway, some food for thought on America’s Birthday weekend.  Wait, this last point about about iphones/blackberrys leads me to a final thought…perhaps more annoying than everything above is the signature, “sent from my verizon blackberry” or something along those lines.  I don’t really give a shit, and neither does anyone else.  I don’t have one personally, but it can’t be that difficult to change that signature.