SHE SAID: Lame Shoes

July 22, 2009

There are so many options here, but I’m going to stick with a fad, as you clearly have, and while Crocs are just begging to be dubbed the ugliest shoes known to man yet again, I have to go with a relatively recent and new “invention”.


That just happened.  Vibram FiveFingers, “alternative performance footwear”, come in other, more offensive colors (ie: camo in case you want to point out to others that you’re an asshole without them having to go through the trouble of talking to you) and also come in mid calf height, in case the slipper variation wasn’t ugly enough for you.

These are one of those inventions that are supposedly life changing and really great for your feet, posture and balance.  However, I maintain that there is a way to do this without making your client look like a cartoon character.  Unless another goal was to have people point and laugh at the wearer, which, I mean, that’s funny.  I get it.

I agree that Tevas are horrendous, but what makes them the most horrendous is the socks worn in conjunction … while these are just really fucking ugly and whoever designed them should be placed in solitary confinement and heavily medicated so they not only design anything else, but don’t even conceive of another design.

Another point: we both chose shoes for the water enthusiast.  Clearly there is a market here for decent looking shoes that one can wear while boating, fishing, clamming, what have you.  Flip flops don’t stay on.  And while Jeremy thinks we should all save our beat up shoes instead of tossing them, I disagree.  Laces suck when you’re in a hurry and canvas and leather are not ideal for the water and don’t usually dry out overnight if you’re planning to use them two days in a row.  And not all of us, once we are over ten, want leather summer feet (not really sexy while playing footsie in bed).

So, Tevas are ugly, these are uglier, Keens are too bulbous, and Crocs are what to wear when you don’t want to get laid.  Questions?