HE SAID: Retiring

October 20, 2009

A few months ago in this space, I wrote about how I thought Brett Favre should just retire.  In fact, I felt so strongly about it I posted twice.  However, I wasn’t really referring to his skill level so much as the way he would wait until the day before the season started and thus acting like a complete dbag in the process.  Today I’d like to focus my attention to some people in the limelight that might want to consider hanging it up, for good, because while these people used to be relevant, they simply suck now.  Some of these names might surprise you, if I’ve offended anyone, feel free to explain why you oppose my opinion.


#1. Al Pacino – Yeah, that’s right, I said, I think that Michael effing Corleone (possibly one of the best characters of all time) should give up acting.  Why? Simple, Pacino hasn’t made a relevant movie in a decade (The Insider & Any Given Sunday), hasn’t been in a decent movie since 2002 (Insomnia), and for lack of a better phrase – sucks at acting now.  He has become a complete and utter charicature of himself.  He overacts, he plays the same over-the-top jackass in every movie, and I’m simply tired of him yelling at me when he doesn’t have to.

#2. Rivers Cuomo/Weezer – For those that don’t know me, even writing down the name Rivers was painful.  They were my second favorite band all through high school and college, and the Blue Album & Pinkerton will forever remain two of my favorite albums of all time.  That being said, they haven’t made a great album since Pinkerton.  And while I’ll agree that it is incredibly hard to live up to amazing debuts, other albums should at least have songs that make you think, “wow, they still have it.”  There have been some catchy tunes on each album since, but they lost me at “I Am the Greatest Man that Ever Lived.”  Maybe the album coming out Tuesday will negate this paragraph, though based on a couple early songs I highly doubt it.

And for those who wish to put Pearl Jam in this same category, just to spite me, I concede the fact that no album after the first three have been as good.  However, on each I can point to at least two or three songs that would stand up against any from the first few.  And besides, their newest album rocks out like it’s 1994.

#3. Michael Bay & Roland Emmerich – While each of you have a couple of exceptions, for the most part, your movies suck. I mean, really, really suck.  Anyone with a bankroll and some access too good CGI computer can do what you do.  The worst part is, you are making me hate some actors I used to love.  John Cusack, what the eff are you doing starring in 2012?  Shouldn’t you be professing your love in an angst ridden way to some attractive, yet slightly unknown actress?  The answer is “yes, yes you effing should.”  But instead you are making this trash, all for a big fat paycheck.

I could keep this list going on forever (Nicolas Cage, Axl Rose, Jon Bon Jovi, Cameron Diaz), and maybe one day I will.  But for now it’s time to watch the Angels beat the Yankees.